The Healthiest Baby (and planet) You Can Grow

The newest addition,
our littlest (organic)
pea in a pod.
October 31, 2011

Many of my friends are expecting now, just after my giving birth this past June.  I love babies and motherhood, it's no secret (since I have 3 boys now).  So I take shopping for baby items seriously - whether for myself or for my mom-to-be girlfriends.

Today's post is actually part of a gift I gave a girlfriend of mine just a few weeks ago. She is expecting her first in less than 6 weeks - so exciting! - and I noticed a few items on her baby registry that could be lurking with some toxic chemicals (aka something akin to Johnson and Johnson since they have come under fire for using toxic chemicals in their baby bath products).

We all know and have heard plenty, sometimes more than we want, about why going green is necessary. The risks of not (going green) include everything from cancer, ADHD, and hormonal imbalances in yourself or your baby, to global warming and ultimately - polluting the future planet our children will inherit.

Going green is not really an option anymore, it should be an urgent imperative for every family.  Like so many of my friends, myself included, going green means starting small and taking baby steps (no pun intended).

So, here is my letter to her, of course edited for your best interest and consumption.

My dear friend,

I hope you absorb all of this magical time you can. There is nothing as joyful as the first pregnancy. Nothing.


Here is some information to go along with your gift. When I was pregnant with Michael, I poured through the research on clean foods and baby products. I found more than I wanted to know - about petroleum based chemicals in baby wipes, and even shampoo and food! I also learned that children's vitamins had saccharin, artificial flavoring and other dangerous and unnecessary chemicals in them. Read more

The solution is clean food and green baby products - no funny stuff or chemicals in them. So I searched until I found vitamins, baby wipes, diapers, bottles, and baby feeding supplies that were made with respect for the planet and with care for the fragile nature of tiny developing humans. ;)


I wanted to share a bit of this info. with you - since things as benign as baby wipes can be toxic - once you read the label and realize what the company has put into them. So - here goes!

Save money and the planet at the same time.  These actions can include:

• Stop buying paper products (except toilet paper of course).  Okay, so occasionally I buy tissues (aka Kleenex) when there are snotty noses in the house. But other than that, we buy nothing disposable - no paper towels, paper plates, throw away cups or cleaning products, etc. Things like that. Also, we cloth diaper. It's a controversial topic, but from everything I read (and I've been following the cloth/disposable controversy since 2005) - unless you have a water shortage, cloth is better.
• Avoid GMO's and other harmful substances. Rodale press (green press) really is a fantastic hot spot for the latest information on all things organic and green parenting. Here is this morning's fantastic review on: 7 things to evict from your baby's diaper bag.
• Do not buy, I repeat, do not buy anything with these Toxic Ten in them. It's not easy, but there's nothing more to it than reading labels. Carefully.  Currently, until laws change, label reading is the only defense (or offense) we as consumers have to protect our families from dangerous chemicals.  

Here are a few more links:

• Hidden dangers in baby wipes, bottles, and more...How to choose healthiest versions for baby.
  I used cloth diapers(Fuzzi Bunz) and made my own (easy!) cloth wipes and solution.  But this article gives alternatives for moms who choose not to or cannot cloth diaper or make their own wipes.
• Excellent resource for latest information in green (and safer) living: http://rodalepress.com/.  You can sign up for their free newsletter, which outlines the latest research and findings for healthy living, food, environment, and fitness. Most important, they are usually the first (independent and not for profit agency at that) to report on dangerous chemicals found in baby toys, foods, etc. Their mantra is "Where Health meets Green."
• The New Good Life: http://www.johnrobbins.info/the-new-good-life/.  A book about eco-friendly and safer (better) living for everyone on the planet. 
  
  Through searching on the web over the last 6 years, I have found a sustainable substitute for just about every baby product a parent will need during the first 5 years.  I have found many other resources on healthy versions of things pediatricians regularly recommend.
  
  For example, if you breast feed, your MD is likely to recommend Vitamin D drops. Well, I recently went to the drugstore to find the D drops that were recommended to me by a pediatrician. The drops that are front and center on drugstore shelves are full of preservatives and artificial flavorings. I could not imagine giving my baby such a toxic brew when he's fresh, new, and has a real start at a healthy life.   So - I did some homework and found a substitute Vitamin D for the preservative-riddled vitamin D on drugstore shelves. It is (simply) vitamin D3 and coconut oil (what a relief).  Of course, it is up to moms (and dads) to read labels and discern what is best for their child.  The other option for parents are to forgo the supplements, such as the Vitamin D drops. However this argument is a drop in the well of many controversies on raising baby.
  
  Anyhow - not to overwhelm you - but as you know, you are your biggest advocate for yours and your baby's best health. The western system of medicine can sometimes be guilty of practicing medicine based on patient (or practitioner) convenience rather than what is best or evidence based - and this short sighted model is typically and overwhelmingly not planet or people friendly (or sustainable in the long run).
  
  I do hope this helps and encourages you. It's truly my passion to help moms and babies have their best, most natural, most gentle start!
  
  
  
  
  

How To Quit Your Job (Even When You're Scared Out of Your Mind)

I am on maternity leave through August and September, so please enjoy today's guest post by Stacey Curnow. 

BITL Founder, Ginger, standing on the precipice of a
new life after leaving her job in conventional medicine
to pursue her passion - improving health care
through her grassroots education method
in medical yoga/alternative medicine.

It’s agonizing isn’t it?

You know you don’t belong in your job. Sure, it puts food on the table and keeps a roof over your head, and with the economy the way it is, you should probably feel grateful for having a job at all, but you wonder…

Could you make it on your own? Could you take the leap and be your own boss? Could you get up every morning and actually be paid well to do what you love?

A part of you thinks you could. A part of you thinks you would be great at it. A part of you believes doing anything less would be a waste of your God-given talent.

But that’s the problem: it’s only a part.

The rest of you thinks about quitting your job and wants to throw up. It worries about being homeless, looking like a loser, and ruining your child’s life.

“Be rational,” it says. “Who are you to want so much? Just be happy with what you’ve got.”

And so you end up in knots, tossing and turning at four in the morning as the two sides war within you. Which one is telling the truth? Which one is lying?

You just can’t tell, and the uncertainty of it is driving you crazy…

I know, because I’ve been there

Three months ago, I did something crazy:
After thirteen years as a nurse-midwife, I resigned from my staff position at a hospital.

I’ve always been the financial provider in my family, supporting my husband as he pursues his dream of writing the great American novel, but one day, I just wasn’t happy with it anymore.

I had noticed, however, that what I loved most about my work as a midwife was talking with my patients about their hopes for their lives and their families. I realized that I was not only helping them give birth to their babies -­ I was helping them give birth to their dreams.

And then, two years ago, I had the epiphany, “These women need a midwife for their LIFE.” and my personal coaching business was born. I built it while I continued to work the same hours at the hospital.
It’s required me to work a lot of late nights and weekends, but when my clients tell me that I’ve helped them accomplish dreams they had all but given up on, it makes it all worth it. In fact, it’s all I want to do.
I love my business and it’s grown a lot over the last two years, but not enough to support my family.
So I should’ve stayed at my hospital job, right?

I couldn’t do it

I saw my friends being supported by their husbands as they pursued their creative dreams, and I looked at my husband, and I thought, “Why should they get to pursue their passions and I don’t? When would it be my time?”
It made me feel jealous and powerless and taken advantage of, and I couldn’t stand it. Yes, I want my husband to become the next JK Rowling, but I can’t wait forever. I was using food and reality television to fill the void of wanting what I couldn’t have, and that created more pain I didn’t need.
Suddenly I understood men who come home after a long day and need a Scotch or two before dinner. Quite frankly, it sucks to feel like your dreams are drifting away while you’ve got a family to support, and sometimes you just want to check out.
But I don’t want to be that man. This is my life, and I don’t want to check out for one minute. I don’t want my husband to be that man either. I want both of us to pursue our dreams and support our family at the same time.
Why does it have to be so damn hard?

Your ego wants to keep you safe (and mediocre)

Whether you call it your Ego, or your “voice of reason”, or—my favorite—your inner critic, there is a part of your psyche that wants to protect you. And if that means sacrificing your dreams, so be it. To your
Ego, your survival is the only thing that counts, and your dreams are nothing more than a dangerous distraction.
But that doesn’t mean you have to believe it.
The truth is, your Ego is just another voice inside your head. You need to view it as a trusted advisor who wants you to think about the risks involved before you do anything unconventional. It’s prudent to listen to that voice, but you’re by no means obligated to obey it. In fact, challenging it on a regular basis is probably one of the best things you can do.
And how do you do that?

Ask powerful questions

The key to coming to terms with the Ego is to ask it powerful questions. Asking, “I’ve always struggled financially, so I guess I’m just not supposed to be an artist, right?” is not a powerful question. But asking, “Of the successful artists I admire, who would be willing to mentor me?” is.
“Who would care what I have to say anyway?” is not a powerful question. But asking, “When I believe there is great work inside me, what am I doing?” is—because it leads you in the direction of your dreams.
Small questions are powerful too. “What is the first small step I can take on the road to my dreams?” is an excellent question, and “What’s the next small step?” is a great follow-up.
Engage your Ego in a dialogue around powerful questions, and I promise you’ll receive good answers. In fact, you know you’re asking a good question by the quality of your answer. If you don’t like the answer, change the question! The point is to free up the voice of your passion and determination, and tone down the voice of your Ego and fears.
But wait, there’s more.

Plan for the worst-case scenario

Your Ego has another tool in its toolbox and it’s called The Worst-Case Scenario. Make no mistake, the worst-case scenario is daunting, but it’s never a good reason to abandon your dreams. How do you deal with it? Think about possible crises before you start any passion-driven work, and decide beforehand what you would be willing to do in the face of them.
For example, before I started my business I made an agreement with my Ego (and my husband) that it would be time to quit if I ever couldn’t pay the bills. Yes, I could tap every bit of our savings and invest them in my business, but I would never put anything on a credit card that I couldn’t pay at the end of the month. I’ve kept that agreement.
I’ve also considered the mother of all worst-case scenarios: being homeless, looking like a loser, and ruining my son’s life. And I came up with a plan. If my business doesn’t support my family fast, I’m willing to move us to Guatemala, where we can live well on the rental income from our house.
Now, living in Guatemala may not be the price you’re willing to pay, but are you willing to consider the worst thing that could happen to you (and your family) if you were to pursue your dreams? Can you acknowledge that there is always something you could do to make it better?
Answer “yes,” and you can get on with the business of doing your great work, because the world is waiting.

The World Needs You

You may continue to feel fear — the Ego is a white-knuckle flyer even when you coax it onto the plane—but if you can remind your Ego of your agreements, you’ll stop feeling scared out of your mind.
The good news is that you’re on this path for a reason. The world doesn’t need more people mired in mediocrity, waiting to punch out at the end of the day and knock back a stiff drink. We need you to fulfill your purpose and become truly alive.
So challenge those voices of “reason” inside your head. Plan for the worst-case scenario. And no matter what, never stop believing in yourself, because regardless of what anyone says, you can live the life of your dreams.
Now go for it!

Stacey Curnow is a nurse-midwife and a mentor who helps you give birth to your BIG dreams. You can find out more about Stacey here.

Mothering & Family Resources: Prenatal to Postpartum and Everything In Between

Photo taken this past week,
entering into my third trimester
with my third child.

As I am approaching the last few weeks of my third pregnancy, I thought it helpful to share some of the resources I use and have written about in my own journey through motherhood. Here are some helpful resources for you eco-saavy mothers and readers:


Pregnancy

• Optimal Maternity Care: A Human Rights Initiative
• Eating to Improve Heredity 
• Prenatal Yoga That Fits You
• Treating Nausea Naturally
• Treating Headaches Naturally
• Sleep Better 
• Ina May's Guide To Childbirth
• Born In The USA - How A Broken Maternity System must be fixed...This book educates mothers about their rights, options, and the research that supports better birth outcomes.
• Finding the Right Doctor or Midwife 
• Finding the Right Hospital For Your Birth
• Free Birth Plan Template Download  - Creating A Birth Plan - Hint: I have done this with all three of my children, and childbirth expert Penny Simkin and others report having one of these decreases your risk of PTSD after childbirth.
• Our Babies, OurSelves: How Biology and Culture Affect the Way We Parent.  This book shaped my views on parenting as I learned that the "American way" is often not just atypical of parenting across the globe, but also not beneficial for parents or their babies.
• The Birth Partner: An excellent book written by physical therapist Penny Simkin. I recommend this for all expectant mothers and their birth partners. 
• Easing Labor Pain Alternatively

There are other texts that offer methods for labor and delivery coaching that I have used in the past, including Birthing from Within and Natural Childbirth (Bradley Method).  Although they are wonderful texts I found that the relaxation method(s) taught in them, if used exclusively, can hinder the process of active participation in birth.  Combining my own yoga poses and breathing methods (which will eventually be available in my new book Fit and Fearless Birth) with the Bradley technique and and methods suggested in Peggy Simkin's book can allow a mother to actively participate in the birth process.

Postpartum

• Ina May's Guide To Breastfeeding with American authority in midwifery, Ina May Gaskin
• The Breastfeeding Book by Martha and Dr. Sears
• Birth and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder: Pain, Suffering, and Trauma in Labor - Written by physical therapist and authority on childbirth, Peggy Simkin PT, CCE, DONA.
  Part One
  Part Two
• Yoga and Breastfeeding: Staying Healthy and Painfree
• Getting Your Body Back After Baby
• Postpartum Back Pain: Baby Carrying and Strolling Hazards
• The Baby Book - with Dr. Sears

Unfortunately support and resources after childbirth tend to dwindle rapidly and are more difficult to find.  The incidence of postpartum depression (PPD) in American women is at its highest ever, with some reports being as high as 20% (Josefsson et al 2001).

Most texts available on the postpartum period center around recognizing and treating, rather than preventing postpartum depression.  However, it seems that we could do better by new mothers to offer more care and support in the days, weeks, and months preceding and proceeding childbirth - by helping mothers physically - with community based support, sound advice on being fit and ready for birth, and the like.  Oprah has even stated that the most common problem reported on her show centered around parenting and "how-to" do it.  In a suggestion to Dr. Mehmet Oz, she said perhaps American youth need more structured learning about parenting, since we have less familial network and support due to our highly mobile lifestyles.

In addition, America's lack of a maternal or paternal leave policy is thought to greatly contribute to the lack of support and high rates of PPD. As a developed nation the US ranks at rock bottom for maternal support.  Out of 160 nations in 2010 as reported in the Save The Children Mother Index, Nordic countries place first, followed by several other developed countries.  Several poorer countries, including the Baltic states, Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania rank higher than the United States. The European states of Croatia and Slovenia also ranked higher than the US.

Factors that influence the US ranking are its high maternal and infant mortality rate and lack of maternal (or paternal) leave.  At 1 in 4,800, the US has one of the highest mortality rates in the developed world, according to the report.  “A woman in the Unites States is more than five times as likely as a woman in Bosnia and Herzegovina, Greece or Italy to die from pregnancy-related causes in her lifetime and her risk of maternal death is nearly 10-fold that of a woman in Ireland,” the report said.

However, the resources provided, in addition to future ones, such as Fit and Fearless Birth, are a start in providing more resources for new mothers to help lower PPD rates, improve their health, and increase their sense of well being.

Green Parenting & Family Life
Green parenting can go a long ways toward improving the health of America's mothers, families, children, and of the entire planet.  I encourage all parents to reduce, reuse, and recycle (The 3-R's) when they can.

Simple strategies include ridding the home of unnecessary chemicals like cleaners, pesticides in the yard and garden like weed killers and fertilizers, adopting a "No Shoes" policy in your house, avoiding use of all plastics, and using cloth napkins and cloth diapering (and wipes) systems whenever possible.  Lastly, we make a point to grow our own organic food (we have limited space but make great use of a small raised box and container gardening) when we can and when we can't - we shop local, organic, and stick to a mostly plant based diet. My own family has adopted all of these 3-R policies, and we are healthier and happier for it.

• Simplifying Family Life
• The 411 on Cloth Diapering
• The Five Stereotypes of Cloth Diapering
  
• Managing Weight and Feeling Great
  
• Decoding Organic Food Labels
• Choosing Real Food
• Why Plastic is Bad for your Health -  Over 10 years ago - I went plastic free - and stored everything in glass. When M and W came along - I used glass and stainless steel bottles and sippy cups- then somewhere along the way - I believed the industry when it said you could use BPA free products and those labeled 2, 4, or 5 on the bottom. Turns out - I should have stuck to my original plan. This house is going plastic free - Round Two. (for good)
• Safer Eating: Going Non-GMO (genetically modified organisms)
• Shopping Non-GMO
• Creating A Paperless Kitchen - Hint: I did this about 10 years ago and it's been one of the best life simplifying (and eco-friendly) moves I've made.
• Everyday Chemicals That Harm Children
• The Yoga of Compassionate Parenting 

 

Sources:
Josefsson A, Berg G, Nordin C, et al. Prevalence of depressive symptoms in late pregnancy and postpartum. Acta Obstet Gynecol Scand. 2001;80:251-255. Abstract
Women on the Front Lines of Health Care: State of the World's Mothers 2010. Save The Children May 2010.  

A New Work Ethic (that ends gender discrimination) for the 21st Century?

Bringing Baby to Work
(My second son at work with me in 2008)
Family friendly policy is critical, especially during the first year. 
(It helps that I own the company and set family friendly policies.)

To borrow the words of John Lennon, Imagine if...

...there was no more discrimination against women in the workplace, there was paid maternity leave for mothers and fathers, every workplace had flex-time, job sharing, compressed work schedules, the option of working from home when possible, and no child went without quality care from their parents during their first year of life...

...it's easy if you try...

Actually, these progressive workplace policies, which I believe are basic human rights, already exist - in almost every developed country except the United States.  The time to change this - to support the American family - is now.

For example, in the Netherlands, one attorney states "working part time is now the rule rather than the exception among his friends."  Fathers are taking a more active role in child rearing, which also allows mothers to continue working as well.  The difference - a flexible, progressive workplace that values the family.  In the Netherlands there are "part-time surgeons, part-time managers and part-time engineers. From Microsoft to the Dutch Economics Ministry, offices have moved into “flex-buildings,” where the number of work spaces are far fewer than the staff who come and go on schedules tailored around their needs.
"The Dutch culture of part-time work provides an advance peek at the challenges — and potential solutions — that other nations will face as well in an era of a rapidly changing work force."  Read the full article here.

Staying informed with the information below - can help you advocate for a modern workplace in your own profession. Policies such as flex-time, job sharing, telecommuting, and the Dutch concept of "flex-buildings"should be considered. At present, only 22% of American workplaces even offer telecommuting.

It's About Time

Mindy Fried, a sociologist, questions the lack of paid family leave in the US versus how common it (paid family leave) is around the world. Opponents of the recently squashed Paycheck Fairness Act argue that it is the fault of women for putting themselves in the position to have to take lower paying jobs - because they demand flexibility and more time with family. 
However, Your Wo(man) in Washington's Valerie Young disagrees, as do I.  She argues, "Women do most of the unpaid family carework in this country. Culturally and socially, it is more acceptable for women to do it than men. Is that fair? At the same time, women have to support themselves and their families. They work without the benefit of paid sick days, or family leave, or even the ability to ask for an alternative schedule. Is that fair? Is it even a good idea? Paid leave is a political issue, a gender issue, and as Dr. Fried shows below, a class issue as well." Read Mindy's full essay, It's About Time, here

What Working Women Want

A Rutger's University conference, "What Mothers Want," sponsored by the National Association of Mothers' Centers, gave this report from a recent blog post by Valerie Young.
Pamela Stone - Professional women were three times more likely than their male counterparts to interrupt their employment for "family responsibilities."  When they return, they frequently turn away from their former fields and enter lower paid, lower prestige sectors of the economy motivated by the desire to "give back" or pursue caring professions or social service.  Becoming a mother has a profound impact on a woman's values, priorities, and sense of identity.  After a career hiatus, a mother often changes both her behavior and career aspirations.  Motherhood exerts a powerful transformational effect. Read What Mothers Want here

The Glass Hammer: Shifting Gender Roles in the Workplace

From The Glass Hammer, an online community for women executives in business, law, and financial services...Director of External Affairs and the Women’s Institute at the Omega Institute for Holistic Studies, Carla Goldstein reports “Women have been doing double duty since WWII, but now we need to shift our focus and figure out how we can support men and women at work; how do we ensure that parents have the time to nurture happy, healthy families?” Read Shifting Gender Roles in the Workplace here

White House Report on Jobs and Economic Security for Women in America

Family support, especially for women, in the workplace, has gotten the attention of our current administration. Here is the official report and Executive Summary on how the US intends to respond to family discrimination in the workplace.  However with the recent squash of the Paycheck Fairness Act, it remains to be seen just how or even if this administration can begin the process of modernizing the American workplace. Read the Summary and Report here

Remote Working and Productivity
Opponents of modernizing the workplace, i.e. those who might argue that telecommutinghttp://www. is not productive, should read the latest report from The Glass Hammer on Remote Working and Productivity in the US.

In the UK, businesses are reporting huge savings by instituting telecommuting.  “Fifty-five per cent of businesses are seeing more home working now than before the recession,” said Mick Hegarty, Strategy and Communication Director at BT Business. Productivity is up by 20% in those who work flexibly compared with those who don’t, he went on. BT have generated a saving of between £6million and £7million as a result of improved productivity. Read more here 

Slowly but surely...To be learned, each day add something. to be enlightened, each day drop something.

...The US can be the example of family friendly work ethics, which stand to benefit every worker - not just those with children.

More Resources
How To Negotiate Better Every Day
Remote Employment
Your Wo(man) in Washington 
The Price of Motherhood

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and Motherhood: Recognizing the Signs

With my son, at the beginning of our own
healing process, in 2008.

This week's post on Breathing In This Life is from Michelle Rosenthal, of www.healmyptsd.com

Being a mom is a wonderful, magical and inspiring identity. But what if the birth experience – or some other trauma – leaves you feeling less than covered in fairy dust? What if your parenting skills are being interfered with by symptoms and behaviors you don’t understand?

Real or perceived traumatic experiences during childbirth or any other part of a mother’s life can lead to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) or Post-Partum Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PP-PTSD). 

Here are a few facts about PTSD before we define symptoms and what to do about them:

·         70% of adults in the U.S. have experienced some type of traumatic event at least once in their lives.

·         Up to 20% of these people go on to develop PTSD.

·         An estimated 5% of Americans have PTSD at any given time.

·         An estimated 1 out of 10 women develops PTSD; women are about twice as likely as men.

·         Among people who are victims of a severe traumatic experience 60 – 80% will develop PTSD.

·         Almost 50% of all outpatient mental health patients have PTSD. Somewhat higher rates of this disorder have been found to occur in African Americans, Hispanics, and Native Americans compared to Caucasians in the United States.

·         PP-PTSD affects 1-6% of women who have difficult births.

The good news is: PTSD is an entirely treatable condition. Because PTSD and PP-PTSD can be frequently misdiagnosed as Bi-Polar Disorder or Post-Partum Depression, it’s helpful to recognize PTSD symptoms, and even have tools to begin diagnosing yourself. The more self-empowered and proactive you are about your experience the more quickly you’ll find help, and relief.

Signs of PTSD

Symptoms of PTSD are divided into three categories:

1 – Re-experiencing: This cluster of symptoms includes intrusive thoughts (you can’t stop thinking back over the traumatic experience), feeling like the event is happening again in real time, nightmares and flashbacks.

2 – Arousal: These symptoms focus on a constant need to ensure safety, including heightened sensory activity, hyper vigilance, insomnia or difficulty falling asleep, outbursts of anger, difficulty concentrating and exaggerated startle response.

3 – Avoidance: This behavior includes avoidance of people, places, things, conversations and experiences that remind you of the traumatic event, plus a feeling of detachment, the inability to have loving feelings, and a diminished interest in participating in important activities.

How do you know if these PTSD symptoms accurately apply to you? Take this PTSD Self-Test to begin forming a picture that you can share with  your physician or mental health professional.

The most important and immediate action is to talk about what you are experiencing. Open up to someone close to you and explain what’s troubling you. The longer PTSD goes untreated the worse it gets; recognizing and treating it as soon as possible are critical to lessening your experience of it.

Treating PTSD

There is no single, universal treatment for PTSD. Modalities range from the traditional talk therapy and cognitive behavior therapy, to the alternative, including somatic experiencing, information processing, hypnosis and Neuro-Linguistic Programming. Trauma leaves an enormous imprint on the subconscious mind. Because of this, most survivors find it helpful to combine traditional PTSD treatment modalities with alternative PTSD treatment techniques in order to find relief.

While there is no set procedure and no standard recovery period, the opportunity to overcome PTSD exists for everyone. The process usually involves trying different therapeutic techniques to find what resonates and feels most comfortable with you. The most effective healing work will be achieved in a modality that feels safe, guided by a practitioner with whom you feel confident and secure.

Michele Rosenthal is a Self-Empowered Healing Coach and the founder of www.healmyptsd.com, a site for PTSD information and support. A trauma survivor who healed after more than 25 years of PTSD, Michele now devotes her career to helping others learn to clarity, verify and strategize their PTSD recovery. Her PTSD memoir, BEFORE THE WORLD INTRUDED, will be published in September 2011. Currently, she is launching the very first live virtual PTSD support groups.

Cultivating Compassion in Children

This week's guest blog is by author and activist for children and gentle parenting, Licia Rando. This post is Part Two in a series on Compassionate Parenting.  

We all want a more compassionate world, but how do we help to make it that way? Guiding the next generation in compassion ensures a better future for us all. Here are some ways to begin cultivating compassion in the children under your care.

Be loving and compassionate with your children. 

Darcia Narvaez, a professor of psychology at the University of Notre Dame, studies empathy and moral development.  She tells us that children need to be held and to have their needs met to develop the neural responses necessary to feel for others. “Part of what is being shaped by caregiver touch and responsivity is the neuroendocrine system, which plays a large role in managing stressful situations and bonding to others throughout life.”
Bruce Perry, child trauma expert and psychiatrist tells us, “Babies are born with two important skills that prepare them for empathy --the ability to imitate facial gestures and the automatic response in which the cries of other infants cause them to cry as well.” Both of these actions involve mirror neurons.  These cells fire when we perform an activity and they fire when we see someone else perform an activity, but less intensely. Someone else’s smile or tears triggers a response in our brains.  This response enables us to feel another’s pain or joy.

Help your child learn to read emotions on faces.

Make happy, sad and mad faces at your baby and name them for her.  Show her picture books that focus on simple feelings. At 1-2 years, when your baby is frowning say, “You look sad”. This helps her to know her inner world which is necessary to feeling what someone else feels. As your child reaches 2-3 years, ask her to make faces for the emotions you name, extend the feelings to include surprised, excited, hurt, and scared. While reading together, look at the illustrations and identify the feelings of the characters.  As the stories get more complex, ask what the character feels and why she or he might feel that way. Also ask if your child remembers feeling this way. Extend this to your day to day living. When you see a child at the park get hit, ask your child what he thinks that child is feeling.  Ask what you might do to make the child feel better.

Help your child act compassionately.

Your compassionate acts will have the most influence on your child learning to act with compassion. Also help your child to perform his own compassionate acts. Ask him to draw a picture or give a gift of something he knows someone else would like and give it.
Keep in mind that children under 18 months are unable to determine a different desire than their own. A study by Repacholi and Gotnick gave children bowls containing either broccoli or goldfish.  The children preferred the goldfish. Researchers made faces expressing disgust with goldfish and a like of broccoli.  When the researchers asked for more of the food they liked, the children instead gave them the food they themselves enjoyed (broccoli or goldfish) until the children were 18 months of age. Children not only need to identify feelings to develop compassion, they need to see that others may have different viewpoints than they themselves have. 

Help your children be mindful of good acts at every age. 

In my grade 2-3 religious education class, children recorded their good acts in a small notebook. Then in class each child placed a gem in a jar for each good act they performed and each act they witnessed someone else perform. Giving gems for seeing someone else perform a good act serves as a model for the child, someone to imitate. When the jar was full of jewels, we had a party to celebrate. This was one of their favorite activities.  I also told them to observe the receiver of the kind act’s facial and bodily response, to see how their kind acts affect others. This would serve as an immediate reward.

Encourage schools, clubs and places of worship to provide opportunities.

Help make dinner at a shelter, collect canned goods, clothes, baby items, etc. Older children will find projects more meaningful if they have input into which organizations to help. Our older Girl Scouts voted to help the animal rescue league and to collect books for flooded libraries.
When we parent to cultivate compassion in our children, we produce beings who are able to feel what others feel and to act on their behalf. If all over the world parents united in this cause, we could assure a more compassionate world - a legacy for all our children.

Licia Rando is the author of the picture book The Warmest Place of All and Caring and Connected Parenting: A Guide to Raising Connected Children.
The guide is endorsed by pediatricians T. Berry Brazelton, MD and Laura Jana, MD. Daniel Siegel, PhD, author of Mindsight and co-author of  Parenting from the Inside OutEisler, author of The Real Wealth of Nations. The guide is available free on-line at www.liciarando.com or www.saiv.net

Sources

1.   D. P. F. Montague  & Walker-Andrews, A. S. Mothers, Fathers, and Infants: The Role of Familiarity and Parental Involvement in Infants’ Perception of Emotion Expressions. Child Development, 73, No. 5, 1339-1352. 2002.

2.   Narvaez, Darcia, Why Do Kids Who Are Held and Cuddled Become More Empathetic Adults?

Darcia Narvaez Answers. Oct.5, 2010. 

3.   Bruce Perry, M.D.,Ph.D.and Maia Szalavitz,  Born for Love: Why Empathy is Essential—and Endangered, William Morrow, 2010.  page 21.

4.   Repacholi, B., and Gotnick, A. Early Reasoning about Desires: Evidence from 14- and 18-month-olds. Developmental Psychology, 33, 12-21. 1997.

*photo is of Ginger and her second son in 2008.

Resources for Mothering In the 21st Century

As a mother who both works in and outside the home (don't all moms?), I am often faced with "multi-tasking" overload.

As a professional specializing in women's health, I am frequently asked for practical tools to help cope with balancing work and mothering.

As a result, I am always on the lookout for other great sites, books, and blogs to help women balance their responsibilities as parenting and professionals - with a measure of grace and peace (I know, it's a tall order).

So here you are - and listen up! Even if you are not a mother, you have a mother and no doubt have many friends who are mothers. Make sure they read this blog. Let's continue to build a strong community of women and mothers who support one another in being Fit & Fearless!

Links
Remodeling Motherhood
Remodeling Motherhood Blog
National Association of Mothers' Centers
Mothers' Book Bag
Mom's Rising
The Mothers Movement
Women's E News
Women's Media Center
Your Woman In Washington
Equally Shared Parenting

Books
If You've Raised Kids, You Can Manage Anything
Opting In: Having a Child Without Losing Yourself
The Price Of Motherhood
How To Avoid The Mommy Trap
Parenting Partners: Encouraging Dads to Participate in the Daily Lives of Their Kids
Mothers on the Fast Track: How a Generation Can Balance Family & Careers
Other recommended reading