A "Fantasy State of the Union"

As American mothers our opinions may differ on many topics - from politics to diapering to schooling to daycare to working outside vs. inside the home, just to name a few.  Some of these topics cause us to draw battle lines and take sides in contentious and unnecessary "mommy wars."

However, I think perhaps, we can all agree on this statement - a country that discriminates against its own families is a country that cannot prosper. In other words, if America and its lawmakers (continue to) neglect the well being of America's families - then it cannot thrive.

Last night's State of the Union Address had many Americans tuned in - and as a mother, you are naturally (and voraciously) concerned about your children's future and your family's well being.  Your (Wo)Man in Washington blogger and Advocacy Coordinator for the National Association of Mothers' Centers, Valerie Young, has published a clever piece about just that topic.  It is entitled "Fantasy State of the Union," and it addresses the very thing which I believe, is hindering the well being of our Nation.

In it, Ms. Young details an America where:

• equal rights for mothers and families exist
• being a mother is not the most common risk factor for living in poverty.

Please take time to read Valerie's post, which she has so graciously permitted me to piggyback from her blog to mine today.  It is an urgent message that should spur our Nation's leaders to action, and should naturally spur all those who currently follow and suffer from these inequities - to stand up and lead. 

I believe her message, and others like it such as Dr. Riane Eisler and her Caring Economics Campaign, harness effectual ideas that, if heeded, can lead our country toward a more prosperous, compassionate, and solvent age - which benefits everyone.

READ FANTASY STATE OF THE UNION

As mothers, we are raising up our country's future.  Therefore, we have a voice. We have power. We can create change - for our children's future and to strengthen this, our American family and country.

Women's Empowerment in an Age of Illness

I am on maternity leave through September, so please enjoy today's post from my September publication in Yang Sheng magazine.


Women's Empowerment In An Age of Illness

What I Don't Understand About Women

I am on maternity leave through August and September, so please enjoy today's guest post by NAMC's Advocacy Coordinator, Valerie Young. Valerie writes the popular blog for mother's rights, Your (Wo)Man in Washington.

BITL Founder, Ginger, in pursuit of "pushing back" in 2010,
fundraising for women and children in Haiti
through voice and song.
Photo taken at a North Carolina festival. 2010.

I know something about women.

  

I am one, and have been for my whole life. Much of my time is spent in the company of women, professionally and personally.  

As an advocate for women's economic security, I think a lot about about our experiences. I spend more time than most looking at data and research on women's finances, economic power, and how they are affected by cultural attitudes and government policy.  I talk for hours on end to female academics, politicians, economists, lawyers, and my personal women friends, some down the street and others scattered around the world.  Most are mothers, some are not.  I've birthed and am raising children, and I’ve experienced surgical menopause, the effects of which continue to reveal themselves with the passage of time.   The art and science of being female is pretty much constantly at the front of my mind.  And I have noticed something.
We rarely give ourselves the credit we deserve.  

There is a significant gap between the efforts we make, the responsibility we assume, our willingness to put others first, and the esteem in which we hold ourselves.  I don’t understand this.  Being on the front lines of our very own lives, we know better than anyone the demanding and essential roles we play.  Yet we often give ourselves short shrift.  Consider what our lives may include:

• the physical demands of pregnancy and childbirth  
• years of varied and unending tasks required to keep an infant, a toddler, a child, a teen, an adult child living, learning, and functioning in this unpredictable and complex world
• the constantly changing compromise required by our unpaid care of family, from economic dependency, to paid work with too little time for home, to trading down our paid employment, and accepting less than we are worth, to be available to the people who need us
• part time work  without health insurance or a retirement plan
• excruciating choices, such as go to work and get paid, or stay with the sick child and don’t get paid, or worse
• in later life, we have less money than men because we earned less, saved less, lived longer and spent more time taking care of other people.  

We do this year in, year out, knowing the consequences, and not caring because we have to go to work, or the baby is crying, or the school just called, or we are too tired to even think about it.

Certainly some women are satisfied with their own blend of family life and employment.  It is not impossible, but at least in my own admittedly unscientific survey of mothers, it is exceedingly rare.  The women I know want passionately to succeed as both mothers and earners.  They know instinctively it is not one or the other, or at least that it doesn’t have to be.  They tie themselves into knots trying to be all things to their children, partners, bosses, co-workers and clients.  They want to do good work, be valued for their efforts and ability, and be treated fairly.  They want to raise their children the best they can, and are willing to give their all to whatever they are doing, whether it’s a raising a well-adjusted human being, or producing a bump up in the bottom line.  The women I know set impossibly high standards for themselves, and work hard to achieve them.

I say let’s recognize ourselves for the extraordinary creatures that we are.  We generate life, nurture, teach, grow.  We learn, strive, and work.  Our time is precious, our abilities unlimited.  We don’t realize our own strength.  When we became mothers, we committed ourselves to the service of human life.  That is no small thing.  Some portion of our own resources, energy, and purpose should be dedicated to our own interest.  So, stick up for yourself, sister!  We deserve better.  Push back against the status quo.  We have a stake in the future, for we will live there with and through our children.   How the future deals with us is up to us right now. 

Creation is what we do.  Every single day women remake the face of the world.  We have every right and every reason to make it a face that will smile back at us. 

Your (Wo)Man in Washington, Valerie Young
 
Valerie is Advocacy Coordinator for the National Association of Mothers' Centers and its netroots initiative, Mothers Ought To Have Equal Rights.  She contributes analysis of policies affecting the economic security of mothers, educates members on the political process, and promotes a society that values the work of caring for children and other family members.  She brings the lens of motherhood to her coalition work on feminism, work/life issues, older women's income security, and maternal health and well-being.
 
Valerie earned her law degree at Tulane University and practiced maritime insurance law in New Orleans for 11 years.  Before joining NAMC, Valerie worked for the National Association of Women Judges, and was a founder, along with Ann Crittenden and others, of the Mothers Ought To Have Equal Rights effort arising from publication of Ann's book, "The Price of Motherhood".  She also worked for the National Partnership of Women & Families fighting efforts to privatize Social Security, and promoting paid leave and other work/life issues.  She authored the National Partnership's State Round Up of family friendly legislation in 2006.  She lives in suburban Washington DC with her family.

Mothering in America: An Uphill Climb

BITL Founder, expecting her third
child this month (June 2011).

This week's guest post is penned by NAMC's Advocacy Coordinator, Valerie Young. Valerie writes the popular blog for mother's rights, Your (Wo)Man in Washington.

Being a mother in the United States is an uphill climb.  Alone among industrialized nations, we have no guaranteed paid leave policy for childbirth, adoption, illness, or even the occasional sick day.  Our federal pension system only accounts for paid work, leaving women with the short straw after time out bearing and raising children, tending to ill parents, spouses, or other family members.   We do most of the unpaid work in the home, and when we are employed outside the home, our income trails men’s by as much as 40%.  We lack anything near equitable political representation, we don’t occupy our fair share of board room seats, CEO suites, or participate proportionately in the distribution of financial assets around the world.  When you’ve studied gender inequality for awhile, you don’t shock easily.  But today I’m shocked.  In fact, all women in the US have a whole new reason to be outraged.  If we are to become the fit and fearless mothers Ginger encourages us to be, there is an issue screaming for our attention -  maternal mortality, in other words, women dying from childbirth or due to a pregnancy-related complication. 

Around the world, every minute of every day, a woman dies from childbirth.  This may not be surprising, as access to medical care, good hygiene, and clean water are not equally accessible.  What is astounding is that the US ranks a lowly 50th on the World Health Organization’s measure of global maternal mortality.  In other words, 49 other countries have figured out how to better care for women throughout pregnancy and birth so that more of them survive the process.  It’s true that the US spends more dollars on health care than any other country, but we don’t have the positive outcomes you’d expect in correlation.  Many pregnant women never get prenatal care, or only get it well into their pregnancies.  The latest data show that 17 out of 100,000 American women die from pregnancy-related conditions.  With 50 million uninsured, health care is beyond the reach of millions of expectant mothers.  In fact, the US rate of maternal mortality has been going up since 1987, when we hit a low of 6.6 deaths per 100,000 deliveries, and continues to climb. It has more than doubled in the past 24 years.  The good news is that maternal deaths are preventable in most cases.  Experts say that with appropriate care, the US rate could be reduced to 3 out of 100,000.

The first step in making this happen is requiring states to report data pertaining to maternal death.  Such information has not been gathered, nor is there any national record of what conditions or complications are the cause.  Legislation pending in the US House of Representatives would change that.  The Maternal Health and Accountability Act, if passed, would enable the states to count pregnancy-related deaths and create an advisory panel of medical experts to interpret the findings and make recommendations to prevent maternal death.  The theory behind the bill is expressed here by the Association of Reproductive Health Professionals:

The first step we need to take is to honor the lives of the women who have died by investing the necessary resources to identify why they died and learn from their deaths in order to prevent other women from dying. There are no acceptable excuses when we consider the fact that we lag behind most developed countries and when numerous developing countries, such as Vietnam and Albania, with much fewer resources than the United States, are making strides towards meeting their goals of reducing preventable maternal deaths, while the United States is backsliding.  http://www.arhp.org/publications-and-resources/contraception-journal/march-2011

Every Mother Counts and MomsRising, two organizations promoting mothers’ well-being, have a one click link that gets  you right to the inbox of your members of Congress, telling them you support the bill and urging them to pass it. They’ve drafted a brief message, and all you have to do is fill out your name and address to identify your US Representative.  It’s easy and effective.  http://www.everymothercounts.org/news/2011/05/christy-blogs-momsrising-may-14-2011

Motherhood is transformational, powerful, miraculous and sometimes terrifying. It doesn’t need to be deadly, especially in the wealthiest country the world has ever seen.  Passing this bill is a step in the right direction.  Please take action, click through, and encourage your legislator to step up.

If you would like to know more, here’s where to look:
http://mothersmonument.org/maternal-mortality/ 
http://www.everymothercounts.org/news/2011/05/christy-blogs-momsrising-may-14-2011
http://whqlibdoc.who.int/publications/2010/9789241500265_eng.pdf


Your (Wo)Man in Washington, Valerie Young
 
Valerie is Advocacy Coordinator for the National Association of Mothers' Centers and its netroots initiative, Mothers Ought To Have Equal Rights.  She contributes analysis of policies affecting the economic security of mothers, educates members on the political process, and promotes a society that values the work of caring for children and other family members.  She brings the lens of motherhood to her coalition work on feminism, work/life issues, older women's income security, and maternal health and well-being.
 
Valerie earned her law degree at Tulane University and practiced maritime insurance law in New Orleans for 11 years.  Before joining NAMC, Valerie worked for the National Association of Women Judges, and was a founder, along with Ann Crittenden and others, of the Mothers Ought To Have Equal Rights effort arising from publication of Ann's book, "The Price of Motherhood".  She also worked for the National Partnership of Women & Families fighting efforts to privatize Social Security, and promoting paid leave and other work/life issues.  She authored the National Partnership's State Round Up of family friendly legislation in 2006.  She lives in suburban Washington DC with her family.

A New Work Ethic (that ends gender discrimination) for the 21st Century?

Bringing Baby to Work
(My second son at work with me in 2008)
Family friendly policy is critical, especially during the first year. 
(It helps that I own the company and set family friendly policies.)

To borrow the words of John Lennon, Imagine if...

...there was no more discrimination against women in the workplace, there was paid maternity leave for mothers and fathers, every workplace had flex-time, job sharing, compressed work schedules, the option of working from home when possible, and no child went without quality care from their parents during their first year of life...

...it's easy if you try...

Actually, these progressive workplace policies, which I believe are basic human rights, already exist - in almost every developed country except the United States.  The time to change this - to support the American family - is now.

For example, in the Netherlands, one attorney states "working part time is now the rule rather than the exception among his friends."  Fathers are taking a more active role in child rearing, which also allows mothers to continue working as well.  The difference - a flexible, progressive workplace that values the family.  In the Netherlands there are "part-time surgeons, part-time managers and part-time engineers. From Microsoft to the Dutch Economics Ministry, offices have moved into “flex-buildings,” where the number of work spaces are far fewer than the staff who come and go on schedules tailored around their needs.
"The Dutch culture of part-time work provides an advance peek at the challenges — and potential solutions — that other nations will face as well in an era of a rapidly changing work force."  Read the full article here.

Staying informed with the information below - can help you advocate for a modern workplace in your own profession. Policies such as flex-time, job sharing, telecommuting, and the Dutch concept of "flex-buildings"should be considered. At present, only 22% of American workplaces even offer telecommuting.

It's About Time

Mindy Fried, a sociologist, questions the lack of paid family leave in the US versus how common it (paid family leave) is around the world. Opponents of the recently squashed Paycheck Fairness Act argue that it is the fault of women for putting themselves in the position to have to take lower paying jobs - because they demand flexibility and more time with family. 
However, Your Wo(man) in Washington's Valerie Young disagrees, as do I.  She argues, "Women do most of the unpaid family carework in this country. Culturally and socially, it is more acceptable for women to do it than men. Is that fair? At the same time, women have to support themselves and their families. They work without the benefit of paid sick days, or family leave, or even the ability to ask for an alternative schedule. Is that fair? Is it even a good idea? Paid leave is a political issue, a gender issue, and as Dr. Fried shows below, a class issue as well." Read Mindy's full essay, It's About Time, here

What Working Women Want

A Rutger's University conference, "What Mothers Want," sponsored by the National Association of Mothers' Centers, gave this report from a recent blog post by Valerie Young.
Pamela Stone - Professional women were three times more likely than their male counterparts to interrupt their employment for "family responsibilities."  When they return, they frequently turn away from their former fields and enter lower paid, lower prestige sectors of the economy motivated by the desire to "give back" or pursue caring professions or social service.  Becoming a mother has a profound impact on a woman's values, priorities, and sense of identity.  After a career hiatus, a mother often changes both her behavior and career aspirations.  Motherhood exerts a powerful transformational effect. Read What Mothers Want here

The Glass Hammer: Shifting Gender Roles in the Workplace

From The Glass Hammer, an online community for women executives in business, law, and financial services...Director of External Affairs and the Women’s Institute at the Omega Institute for Holistic Studies, Carla Goldstein reports “Women have been doing double duty since WWII, but now we need to shift our focus and figure out how we can support men and women at work; how do we ensure that parents have the time to nurture happy, healthy families?” Read Shifting Gender Roles in the Workplace here

White House Report on Jobs and Economic Security for Women in America

Family support, especially for women, in the workplace, has gotten the attention of our current administration. Here is the official report and Executive Summary on how the US intends to respond to family discrimination in the workplace.  However with the recent squash of the Paycheck Fairness Act, it remains to be seen just how or even if this administration can begin the process of modernizing the American workplace. Read the Summary and Report here

Remote Working and Productivity
Opponents of modernizing the workplace, i.e. those who might argue that telecommutinghttp://www. is not productive, should read the latest report from The Glass Hammer on Remote Working and Productivity in the US.

In the UK, businesses are reporting huge savings by instituting telecommuting.  “Fifty-five per cent of businesses are seeing more home working now than before the recession,” said Mick Hegarty, Strategy and Communication Director at BT Business. Productivity is up by 20% in those who work flexibly compared with those who don’t, he went on. BT have generated a saving of between £6million and £7million as a result of improved productivity. Read more here 

Slowly but surely...To be learned, each day add something. to be enlightened, each day drop something.

...The US can be the example of family friendly work ethics, which stand to benefit every worker - not just those with children.

More Resources
How To Negotiate Better Every Day
Remote Employment
Your Wo(man) in Washington 
The Price of Motherhood

A Mother's Bill of Rights?

As mothers, it is our nature to take care of others.  That is nothing new. What is shocking is that society has taken advantage of this fact for centuries. And while they continue to take, mothers continue to give.

How? For starters, the United States has one of the worst maternity leave policies among all industrialized nations.1  USA Today cites a Harvard study which firmly places America at the bottom of the barrel for mother support. The study found:

"Out of 168 nations in a Harvard University study last year, 163 had some form of paid maternity leave, leaving the United States in the company of Lesotho, Papua New Guinea and Swaziland.1"  

Mothers receive very little support, not only from our own government but also from society.  And the proof is in the proverbial pudding.

Society gives lip service to the value of parenting, motherhood, and child rearing - after all, the children are the future of our country - yet, childcare workers typically earn at or minimum wage. Further, if you are a mother working from home to raise up the future of our country - you get nothing. Not even a social security credit. You must depend entirely on your partner's wages and retirement.


This poor show of support must change. Women have historically banded together to fight for their rights. Now mothers need to do the same.  Mothers need support urgently - or else the well being of our children and the future of the family unit in the US will be jeopardized. But wait - it already is.

Women and mothers suffer from depression at nearly twice the rate as men.2,3 The CDC reports women suffer from postpartum depression (PPD) between 10-30% of the time, but that over 85% of mothers suffer from some type of depressive or mood instability in the postpartum period.  Further, studies support that PPD occurs, and may even be worse, during the toddler years, and is (PPD) now not only pulling fathers into its grip but also responsible for adversely affecting toddler and teenage academic performance and psycho-emotional well being.4 

Are you a mother who has felt depressed, alone, tired even exhausted, overwhelmed, and unable to cope with the mountain of responsibilities?  Mothers do have more responsibilities than ever - with more mothers working both outside and inside the home.  We live in a two income society now - where it has become almost impossible for a family to get by on one income.

In addition, 75% of household management and child rearing still falls to mothers who also work outside the home.5 Further, families members often no longer live in proximity to one another because of job availability, choices in education, personal, or professional decisions or requirements. This means mothers can't drop their children off with a relative - to run important errands, go to work, go to a doctor's appointment, or even to get a moment of silence to deal with existing problems or trauma. The FMLA may be in place in the US, but it is for a finite amount of unpaid leave and is reserved only for employees of large companies - where does that leave those who own or work for small businesses and corporations?

When will there be change in America - to support mothers, parents, and all childcare givers? Change usually starts at a grassroots level - with the persons who are being adversely affected by the situation. That would mean mothers organizing themselves to become active in policy by:

1. Joining together and supporting one another, as I write in my Mommy Wars blog. 
2. Entering the political arena to create change.  However, this is difficult to do if we cannot garner any support to re-enter (and remain) in the work force.  I often say that the best I can do, failing aspiration to a political office where mothers' rights was high on my agenda, is raise sensitive, intelligent sons who will fight for their mother and the rights of all mothers. (I currently have two sons who are already learning the ropes.) The bottom line is, we must find (and fight for) a way to be agents of change.
3. Getting involved with existing organizations who are already working for mothers' rights.  See the Resource List below for more information on depression, postpartum depression, and the movement to create what could be called a "Mother's Bill of Rights."

What would be included in a so-called "Mothers' Bill of Rights?"

There is not enough space in a blog forum to discuss discrimination against parents (both mothers and fathers) in our workplace and social forums today.  However, a mothers' bill of rights might just as well be named the "Parental Bill of Rights" and would help to eliminate workplace and social discrimination by implementing a modern paternal leave policy, breastfeeding rights, inclusion of caregiving (for both the young and elderly) into the GDP (gross domestic product) as put forth by Ann Crittenden in her book, The Price of Motherhood, and setting up social security credits for those who have spent a life in caregiving.

As it stands now, women and their children are the poorest segment of society.4  They depend on the handouts of others (usually their spouse's retirement). In fact, just being a woman means you are most likely to be poor in your old age, based on the number of "zero income" years that women have on their social security statement compared to men.6

It is time for change. Value must be given to parenting - objectively - instead of forcing us (parents) to be deafened by the continual din of empty lip service that rises from the streets of our hometowns and inside the political beltway of Washington D.C.

Resources
Gayle Peterson, LCSW, PhD  - More information on depression and treatment
National Association of Mothers' Centers
National Women's Law Center
The Glass Hammer
America's Parent Trap - Washington Post Column on the politics of parenting
Ann Crittenden  - Author and founder of NAMC, mother's rights activist
Your (Wo)man in Washington - The NAMC Blog

*I took this photo in June when I was invited to Philadelphia to speak on my methods in medical therapeutic yoga at the 61st Annual NATA Convention.  The Liberty Bell has is not a sign of liberty attained - but rather represents the ongoing attainment of freedom for all.  The Liberty Bell is not just a symbol for Americans - but for citizens everywhere who are oppressed.  Many groups have sought refuge in the symbol of freedom that the Liberty Bell represents.


Sources
1.  USA Today, July 26, 2005.

2.  Regier DA, Narrow WE, Rae DS, et al. The de facto mental and addictive disorders service system. Epidemiologic Catchment Area prospective 1-year prevalence rates of disorders and services. Archives of General Psychiatry, 1993; 50(2): 85-94.
3.  Narrow WE. One-year prevalence of mental disorders, excluding substance use disorders, in the U.S.: NIMH ECA prospective data. Population estimates based on U.S. Census estimated residential population age 18 and over on July 1, 1998. Unpublished.
4. Science Daily, 1999. 
5.  United Nations Conference on Trade and Development. TRADE AND DEVELOPMENT BOARD, Fifty-second session
Geneva, 3-14 October 2005. 
6. US Office of Social Security Administration: Office of Policy. 2000

Two (more) Ways Yoga Can Make You A Better Parent

A few weeks ago I was invited to write a guest blog about yoga and parenting. Read the full blog here.

Here is a continuation of my blog on yoga and parenting, with two (more) ways yoga can help us all be better parents:

Two More Ways that Yoga Makes You A Better Parent

1. Don’t underestimate the importance of your breathing habits.

I have seen many mothers whose previously calm demeanor and good breathing habits BC (Before Children) mysteriously vanished into thin air AC (After Children).

Why is this?

Today’s women have fought (hard) for their autonomy and independence. In addition, families are more mobile than ever. However, the deserving achievements of this modern movement (remember it hasn't even been 100 years since women could vote) has left women (and families) with a very flimsy infrastructure – which means we tend to have poor support systems. Most women, myself included, underestimate the importance of the statement “It Takes A Village to Raise A Child.”
Even someone like myself, who has a master’s degree from one of the top physical therapy schools in the United States and specializes in women’s health…was on the edge of sanity after going for weeks with little more than 2 hours of sleep a night with 2 children in diapers, a corporation to (still) run, and with no family in the area who could help.
The nugget of truth here is that women are busier than ever and oftentimes with less support than ever. When women enter or re-enter the workplace after childbirth, they keep 75% or more of household management duties, in addition to their new role as a mother. In addition, the American workplace has proven to be the one of the least "parent" friendly of all developed countries.
All of these stressors can easily lead to depression and poor parenting choices. Postpartum depression always lurks right around the corner – for all women – regardless of their socioeconomic status or education level.
However, good breathing habits have been proven to help battle depressive symptoms. Read my previous blog on improving mood, coping skills and preventing/managing depression with good breathing habits. Learning good breathing habits can ward off depression, improve quality of life, increase energy, and stabilize mood - which all leads to better parenting.

2. If you do not have a mediation practice, start today.

Meditation is called different things across the globe – Meditation, Devotion, Prayer, Quiet Time…the list goes on. However, anyone can practice meditation without conflicting with their spiritual roots. Read my previous blog on how Yoga must be recalibrated to fit the 21^st century mother. This post will teach you how to practice a “savasana” (sha-vah-suhn) or corpse pose, which will help facilitate a meditation practice.

Tip: Create a Sacred Space. I have friends from all different spiritual traditions - Hindu, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Jain, & Buddhist. They all have one thing (well way more than that) in common – they all have a meditation practice that honors their spiritual belief system. I encourage you to create a Sacred Space to help you meditate. It may be as simple as a converted closet or elaborate as an entire room with an altar or table holding your inspirational quotes, Sacred texts, readings, poetry, figures, as well as everything you need to meditate (which could be as simple as a cushion on the floor or elaborate as a cushioned chair, bed, or other props to help you be comfy).

This Space will not only remind you to mediate, but will make it easier for you to do so. It can also be your own personal chapel – a place to recollect yourself and remind yourself of what is most important to you. I go to my Sacred Space daily, if even for 5 minutes. I actually created 2 rooms and a third small space – because I need physical reminders to keep me accountable – and to help ground me and remind me of my ordered priorities.

These are the last 2 Tips in my Yoga and Better Parenting post. I hope you have been able to glean something of worth for your Journey of Parenting. Remember in the words of revered Afghan poet Rumi: In the end, we will be forgiven for forgetting that what we really want is Love's Confusing Joy. Gamble Everything For Love.

*Photo is of a "Mommy & Me Yoga" photo shoot (and one of his first official yoga practices) with my second son.

More on Equal Rights for Mothers

New Blog posting by National Association of Mothers' Centers, Your (Wo)man in Washington, Valerie Young.

I could not wait to read Valerie's blog today as it came into my inbox and flashed, "I will not apologize for being a mother."

"What a great title,"I thought to myself. "I wonder what she has to say today."

Read on...

Get involved today and join NAMC

Does America Love Its Children?

This is part two of a conversation on Women and Mother's rights, How Far Have We Come?

Rose Kennedy, mother of 9 children, including President John F. Kennedy said, "I looked on child rearing not only as a work of love and duty but as a profession that was as fully interesting and challenging as any honorable profession in the world and one that demanded the best I could bring to it."

Mothering is a most honorable profession, more important than sending men to the moon or even leading a country. After all, does not the future of our country rest in the hands of our children? So then, mothers should not (have to) apologize for putting the profession of mothering at the top of their priority list.

It is time to stop lavishing superficial praise on mothers for taking time out of (or canceling entirely) their careers to give birth and raise children. Society has pushed its skewed work ethic onto mothers so heavily - that they end up apologizing for mothering or end up being pushed out of the workplace (or from mothering) entirely.

Case in point - a colleague of mine (to remain unnamed) - recently sent me an email. In it she apologized for not being able to multi-task well enough to keep up with her workload during her pregnancy.

The mother of 1 (with a second on the way) writes, "I am feeling guilty about contacting you without a plethora of attachments filled with work for our project, but I need to let you know that I have been unable to make headway yet. I have to admit that my priorities have shifted more than I expected with this pregnancy ~ being only 6 weeks away from delivery. I just need to accept that this (having to slow down and take care of myself and my unborn baby) is how it is and it is okay. I certainly hope I have not made life more difficult for you. However, I cannot take on the project at this time. I will look forward to it in the future. My focus is on being a mom and keeping my small business running..."

My response to her, "First of all. Relax and enjoy. You did not have to write the email to me. I would absolutely expect nothing different from you right now. You may have to defend your priorities and family dedication to the rest of the world, but not me. Being a fellow mom, business owner, and therapist who holds similar root values - I empathize and understand.
This time in your life you are exactly where you need to be. You are a wonderful, dedicated, intelligent woman and professional. - and when you are ready, I know you will be perfect for the project.
In fact, what you are doing now (mothering) is creating the perfect experience(s) for you to become a master at your professional specialty in the future. Society may not recognize this Truth - but you are becoming an expert in your profession BECAUSE you are a mother, NOT in spite of it.

Is the United States a country which loves its children? Not if the current system remains the way it is.
We must:

• Empower mothers to be mothers, not harass them for becoming mothers. For example, instituting 12 month paid maternity leaves like other countries do - which have higher numbers of (happier) mothers working outside the home, ironically.
• Invest in America's families by creating resources to allow mothers to stay home or work part time with children of preschool age. We cannot and should not force mothers to fit the "man's mold" of business - which means working without breaks for family. It is physically (and otherwise) impossible for women to work their entire lives without taking breaks for family needs - unless that is, American women stop having children.
  
• Excuse all women from jury duty who are pregnant, nursing, or who are stay at home care-givers with children under school age or home bound elderly parents to care for.
  
• Praise and value the Mothering Resume, or "time taken off to rear children" instead of keeping women out of the corporate office because of "lack of experience from mommy gaps" on the resume.
• Enable those mothers who choose or must work outside the home with options for quality, affordable early childhood education resources.

Society needs to put its money where its mouth is.

• Stop giving "lip service" to women about their great role to humanity as mothers - and start supporting and enabling them to actually do the job.
• Kill double standards. Women are expected to put off and cancel careers in order to birth and raise children, while men are never asked or expected to let their careers slow down at all. Men are praised for having a family and a career (& for making it to the occasional PTA meeting or sports event) while women are berated for trying to have both (& if they are not there for every event and meeting). Women are encouraged to get an education and establish a career, but are frowned upon by others (and other mothers) when they put their children in daycare in order to keep their job.

Our society has become a "2 income culture", forcing women back to work and displacing our children into the hands of daycare workers - who are under-paid and under-appreciated. As a result, staff turnover can be high and workers with degrees in early childhood education can be difficult to find and keep.

• We need to encourage young people to go into early childhood education - but who will pursue this honorable work if it pays nothing and is not respected?
• Start paying early childhood education specialists/preschool teachers what they are worth.
• Invest smartly in the future of our country by offering compassion and understanding. Offer options (and support) for mothers to be 'stay at home moms' or 'work from home moms.' Telecommuting is eco-friendly, business friendly, and parenting friendly - and it works.
  
• Enlist the "village" to help raise their children. Mothers cannot do it alone. Other countries offer year long maternity leave, and options to return to work at 50%, 75%, and full time, for example. They provide preschool and daycare options, and also give dads an opportunity to take part in the year long "paternal" leave as well.
• We must reduce and prevent poverty of mothers in America. If you are a mother and you stay home with your children, statistically you are MOST likely to live at poverty levels during retirement years. Why? Because the government does not recognize your years of sacrificial service as having monetary value. In other words, for all the years you stay home with children, your social security statement reads "zero" or no work done. You get no retirement, no support, and no thanks from the US government for having raised the Next Responsible Generation. Asking mothers to continually work for free must change.

Love and sacrifice is not lacking. Don't get me wrong. I am not suggesting that parenting or mothering is not rewarding or wonderful or that mothers should get "paid" to be parents. As mothers, we love our children. Through all of time and history women have made the sacrifice to put everyone first - children, husbands, families, even communities. We do it out of love.

The real Truth, and where the problem lies is - society has long taken advantage of a Mother's Love. It is time for American society and government to love our children enough - to create equitable rights for mothers.

Rose Kennedy was right - mothering is the most honorable profession, as honorable as any other. Mothering is the ultimate service we are able to render to God and country. Let all mothers stop apologizing for working in this most honorable profession - and start demanding the resources and remuneration to do the job well.

*my oldest son, with a flower he picked for me

Does America Love Its Children?

This is part two of a conversation on Women and Mother's rights, How Far Have We Come?

Rose Kennedy, mother of 9 children, including President John F. Kennedy said, "I looked on child rearing not only as a work of love and duty but as a profession that was as fully interesting and challenging as any honorable profession in the world and one that demanded the best I could bring to it."

Mothering is a most honorable profession, more important than sending men to the moon or even leading a country. After all, does not the future of our country rest in the hands of our children? So then, mothers should not (have to) apologize for putting the profession of mothering at the top of their priority list.

It is time to stop lavishing superficial praise on mothers for taking time out of (or canceling entirely) their careers to give birth and raise children. Society has pushed its skewed work ethic onto mothers so heavily - that they end up apologizing for mothering or end up being pushed out of the workplace (or from mothering) entirely.

Case in point - a colleague of mine (to remain unnamed) - recently sent me an email. In it she apologized for not being able to multi-task well enough to keep up with her workload during her pregnancy.

The mother of 1 (with a second on the way) writes, "I am feeling guilty about contacting you without a plethora of attachments filled with work for our project, but I need to let you know that I have been unable to make headway yet. I have to admit that my priorities have shifted more than I expected with this pregnancy ~ being only 6 weeks away from delivery. I just need to accept that this (having to slow down and take care of myself and my unborn baby) is how it is and it is okay. I certainly hope I have not made life more difficult for you. However, I cannot take on the project at this time. I will look forward to it in the future. My focus is on being a mom and keeping my small business running..."

My response to her, "First of all. Relax and enjoy. You did not have to write the email to me. I would absolutely expect nothing different from you right now. You may have to defend your priorities and family dedication to the rest of the world, but not me. Being a fellow mom, business owner, and therapist who holds similar root values - I empathize and understand.
This time in your life you are exactly where you need to be. You are a wonderful, dedicated, intelligent woman and professional. - and when you are ready, I know you will be perfect for the project.
In fact, what you are doing now (mothering) is creating the perfect experience(s) for you to become a master at your professional specialty in the future. Society may not recognize this Truth - but you are becoming an expert in your profession BECAUSE you are a mother, NOT in spite of it.

Is the United States a country which loves its children? Not if the current system remains the way it is.
We must:

• Empower mothers to be mothers, not harass them for becoming mothers. For example, instituting 12 month paid maternity leaves like other countries do - which have higher numbers of (happier) mothers working outside the home, ironically.
• Invest in America's families by creating resources to allow mothers to stay home or work part time with children of preschool age. We cannot and should not force mothers to fit the "man's mold" of business - which means working without breaks for family. It is physically (and otherwise) impossible for women to work their entire lives without taking breaks for family needs - unless that is, American women stop having children.
  
• Excuse all women from jury duty who are pregnant, nursing, or who are stay at home care-givers with children under school age or home bound elderly parents to care for.
  
• Praise and value the Mothering Resume, or "time taken off to rear children" instead of keeping women out of the corporate office because of "lack of experience from mommy gaps" on the resume.
• Enable those mothers who choose or must work outside the home with options for quality, affordable early childhood education resources.

Society needs to put its money where its mouth is.

• Stop giving "lip service" to women about their great role to humanity as mothers - and start supporting and enabling them to actually do the job.
• Kill double standards. Women are expected to put off and cancel careers in order to birth and raise children, while men are never asked or expected to let their careers slow down at all. Men are praised for having a family and a career (& for making it to the occasional PTA meeting or sports event) while women are berated for trying to have both (& if they are not there for every event and meeting). Women are encouraged to get an education and establish a career, but are frowned upon by others (and other mothers) when they put their children in daycare in order to keep their job.

Our society has become a "2 income culture", forcing women back to work and displacing our children into the hands of daycare workers - who are under-paid and under-appreciated. As a result, staff turnover can be high and workers with degrees in early childhood education can be difficult to find and keep.

• We need to encourage young people to go into early childhood education - but who will pursue this honorable work if it pays nothing and is not respected?
• Start paying early childhood education specialists/preschool teachers what they are worth.
• Invest smartly in the future of our country by offering compassion and understanding. Offer options (and support) for mothers to be 'stay at home moms' or 'work from home moms.' Telecommuting is eco-friendly, business friendly, and parenting friendly - and it works.
  
• Enlist the "village" to help raise their children. Mothers cannot do it alone. Other countries offer year long maternity leave, and options to return to work at 50%, 75%, and full time, for example. They provide preschool and daycare options, and also give dads an opportunity to take part in the year long "paternal" leave as well.
• We must reduce and prevent poverty of mothers in America. If you are a mother and you stay home with your children, statistically you are MOST likely to live at poverty levels during retirement years. Why? Because the government does not recognize your years of sacrificial service as having monetary value. In other words, for all the years you stay home with children, your social security statement reads "zero" or no work done. You get no retirement, no support, and no thanks from the US government for having raised the Next Responsible Generation. Asking mothers to continually work for free must change.

Love and sacrifice is not lacking. Don't get me wrong. I am not suggesting that parenting or mothering is not rewarding or wonderful or that mothers should get "paid" to be parents. As mothers, we love our children. Through all of time and history women have made the sacrifice to put everyone first - children, husbands, families, even communities. We do it out of love.

The real Truth, and where the problem lies is - society has long taken advantage of a Mother's Love. It is time for American society and government to love our children enough - to create equitable rights for mothers.

Rose Kennedy was right - mothering is the most honorable profession, as honorable as any other. Mothering is the ultimate service we are able to render to God and country. Let all mothers stop apologizing for working in this most honorable profession - and start demanding the resources and remuneration to do the job well.

*my oldest son, with a flower he picked for me

Women's Rights - How Far Have We Come?

Little more than 150 years ago, women could not own property and had no parental rights. 30 years later most women still had no right to earn wages or own property.

The presidential election of 1920, shortly after the narrow passage of the 19th Amendment, was the first time American women were allowed to vote.

Fast forward to 1961 where the Commission on the Status of Women, initiated by President Kennedy, found severe discrimination against women at work. These findings led to early recommendations on fair hiring practices, paid maternity leave, and the Equal Pay Act. However, discrimination continued. For example, women were not allowed to establish credit without their husband's permission until the 1970's.

Until Title IX in 1972, girls and women were essentially shut out from participation & competition in sports. And shockingly, a husband could still legally rape his wife until 1976, when Nebraska took the first state action which banned it.

Now today, in the 21st century, women still face discrimination. Women do not earn dollar for dollar what men earn in the same position. Discrimination worsens when you compare salaries of women with children to those of men (with or without children). Sure, feminists claim that women get "equal pay" now, but they fail to mention it is ONLY when the women are between ages of 27 and 33 and have NEVER had children. (O'Neill)

If you compare the real difference between the pay of women and men, considering every one's earnings, women earned 59% of men's salaries in 1999 (US Census 2000, Crittenden). This inequality has been called the "mommy tax" by Crittenden and the "family wage gap" by Columbia economist Waldfogel. Undeniably, it is mothers and their children, ironically the poorest segment of the population worldwide, who are suffering the most from this discrimination.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

The fact is - society has long lauded the value of motherhood, but has done little to ensure that this very important segment of its population - mother and children - are supported. Instead, our culture financially punishes women when they choose to stay home and mother America's children and yes, America's future. They exclude mothers' work from the gross domestic product (GDP), deny them social security credits, tax their income based on their husband's salary, and pass over women with "mommy gaps" on their resume.

This punitive action that American society and government shamelessly inflicts upon its mothers (yes, we are all responsible for heaping this harm upon our mothers) does 1 of 2 things.

1. It forces mothers back to work prematurely, leaving children to fend for themselves or be raised by someone else.
2. It forces mothers to become financially dependent on their spouses or flimsy government handouts.

Author Crittenden writes, "the UN recommended in the early 1990's that member countries' include in their GDP "unrenumerated work" of two unpaid tasks that women perform in the developing world: gathering firewood and carting water." Yet in 2010, where the GDP was first used, America has done little about the UN recommendation to recognize womens' unpaid work.

How far have we come?

Women have historically been asked to give of their time freely and sacrificially - for their families and for society. Women have historically complied by providing the majority of free work through child rearing, house management, and care-taking of the elderly. Women quit their careers and dreams - in order to take on these unpaid jobs.

When asked to put a monetary value on caring for other human beings - American society speaks loud and clear. Childcare workers, early childhood education professionals, and professional caretakers in nursing homes are generally paid minimum wage or just above. Yet, they are raising up those that will care-take us later - and perpetuate the human race. They are also caring for those who raised us. We should assign a high level of respect to all care-takers and to those in their charge.

But this is not happening. The elderly in America are frequently neglected, discarded as dinosaurs with feeble minds that are not useful in the "workforce" after they retire. Childcare centers and nursing homes have high turnover rates. Many educators and professional care-takers abandon their career and their passion for it after experiencing low paying jobs that carry little respect or value in society. Mothers are unable to pursue their dream of having a career and family, and our children get lost in the struggle. Mothers are frowned upon when they try to have both a career and a family. Men, however, are praised for having both.

Mothers in other countries, such as France and Denmark, are paid for their work, have stipends for childcare support, and government subsidized daycare, preschool, and community centers. They have year long paid maternity leaves for mothers and fathers.

In addition, other countries assign value to care-taking in their GDP - and mothers receive monetary support and/or units toward retirement/social security when they stay home with children. But not in the US.

Will (not) work for free
Society still expects women to cheerfully and freely give their time raising up the next generation (who will, by the way, pay every one's social security). However, society does not want to give them any tools or means to complete the job. Society accepts womens' "free" work while men are well paid for their work. Women are essentially denigrated when they take time off to care for anyone - children or elderly. Why?

Is Motherhood worthless?
Society assigns no worth to motherhood or the tasks that are required to do it well. Men are generally seen as "experts" over women on just about any topic - even child birth. Society punishes women who take time to be mothers by not hiring them or paying them less because of "gaps" in their resume. This leads to men holding the majority of CEO and authoritative positions in business and government.

The government literally considers the task of mothering worthless - as is evidenced by the "zeros" on the social security statement of any woman for the years she stayed at home as a mother to raise children. If society and government did see mothering and care-taking as the incredibly valuable (difficult, stressful, challenging) work that it is, then we would see more women as CEO's than we do in this country. After all, it is like Ann Crittenden writes, "If you have raised children, you can manage anything."

What can you do?
Increase awareness. Speak. Act.

1. Read. Learn about your rights as a mother and woman. Learn what other countries do to support mothers and children and prevent poverty for the future of our planet.
2. Speak. Ask questions. Challenge the status quo. Why are mothers being "punished" for "gaps" on their resume, when they are not gaps at all. I would dare to argue that women who have managed a household and children, and usually part or full time jobs to boot - would be incredibly qualified to hold a position of CEO in a corporation.
3. Act. We can get involved with our government at all levels. We can help other women in need. If you want to get involved with my activism for women and children in Afghanistan and Haiti, please contact me or visit www.gingergarner.com. Another great resource is National Association of Mothers' Centers In addition, you can join this blog, in the top right hand column of this page.
   
4. Stop apologizing for being a mother. Do not apologize for being either a stay at home mom or a mom who works outside the home. The Truth is - in either case, society has not and is not doing enough to enable American women to thrive after they have children. Instead of judging worth by whether a mother stays at home or works outside the home - let's join together to facilitate positive change for all mothers.
   

Are you a mother reading this blog? Have you ever felt isolated, like you have lost your independence, your income, your career, and the social support of your former peers? You are not alone. Read this quote, submitted by an anonymous woman to a magazine.

"By joint efforts my husband and I have made a home. I have borne and raised 9 children and grandchildren but cannot claim a dollar for all of my labor. I have no more power than a child. If my labor has been of any value in dollars and cents then I want those dollars and cents to do as I please with. I feel like advising every women not to do another day's labor unless she can be the owner of the value of it. All the property that I possess in my own right is in this pen and holder." (Crittenden)

The inequalities she speaks of still persist today - and this letter was penned in 1876.

So, how far have we come?

Stay tuned to read more about current trends in women's rights on my next blog this week.
To learn more about the "price of motherhood", read Pulitzer Prize nominee Ann Crittenden's book of the same name, The Price of Motherhood or If You've Raised Kids, You Can Manage Anything.

Mothers' Organization Interviews Ginger

Breaking News

Ginger is interviewed by An Initiative of National Association of Mothers' Centers, Mothers Ought To Have Equal Rights, in Washington D.C.

Read the entire story below...

October 29, 2009: Three Minute Interview with Ginger Garner: This Mother, Educator, Author, Blogger, Physical Therapist, and Yoga Practitioner Talks About Childbirth in America, and Why It Needs to Change.

NAMC Interview: Read Ginger's Interview

The Price of Breathing In This Life (thanks to Ann Crittenden)

If you are reading this blog and know of The Price Of Motherhood, then I am most certainly preaching to the choir.

However, if you do not not know Ann Crittenden, then as a mother, I believe you should.

I will say no more, other than, women should always stand strong, together, united. There have been too many points in recent (and distant) history that have taken (or prevented us from having) our voice, our freedoms, & our basic rights to do what I write about each week, breathe in this life.

Please join what I believe is one of the Good Fights, to secure equal rights for women and mothers all over this globe, and to protect our future generations.

Here are a few websites I recommend to all women, mothers or not (and a Good News! bulletin for moms)

www.anncrittenden.com
www.peacexpeace.org
www.ieaw.org
www.motherscenter.org
Baby Friendly Hospitals On the Rise!

To my constant friend and brave companion, Alaha, stay strong, your country Afghanistan needs you now more than ever! And to the new incoming class of Afghan women at IEAW, welcome to America! I look forward to meeting you in a few days!

*Suffragists picketing in front of the White House. Harris & Ewing. 1917.