Recognizing Your Full Potential: The Shy Albatross in Flight

Today's post is a guest blog from Midwife for your Life,  Stacey Curnow.

Last night a friend and I were talking about some challenges in his life and I remembered a line from a poem by Robert Bly:
The albatross that lands on the mast began flying a thousand years ago.

A long time ago, back when we were pure positive energy, we didn't doubt for a minute that manifesting would be pretty cool. But when we arrive in our physical forms and challenges pop up, we forget that every experience is an opportunity to discover what we really want and to become our best selves.

We don't need circumstances to be pleasing, or for others to make things easier for us, or to give us praise, or even acknowledgement. It's wonderful to get those things - but not at all necessary.

What's necessary is to know that we've got everything we need inside us for a great journey. By the fact of our existence we are worthy of love and all good things. We already are love and all good things.

It's funny, I think my albatross metaphor distracted him, because, as it turns out, he is quite a bird lover and has a bit of an issue with the albatross.

"Wait a second," he said, "The albatross? That's like a dodo bird. And it symbolizes adversity." Moments after we hung up I received an email from him, citing a Wikipedia entry:

An albatross is a central emblem in The Rime of the Ancient Mariner by Samuel Taylor Coleridge. It is from the poem that the usage of albatross as a metaphor is derived; someone with a burden or obstacle is said to have 'an albatross around their neck', the punishment given in the poem to the mariner who killed the albatross.

So he didn't like the metaphor, but after learning more about the albatross, I think it is very apt.

First of all, going back to the poem, the sailor was punished because he had destroyed something that was considered sacred. When we forget or are unable to see that we have come to this planet to accomplish something special, it is a similar waste.

We are here to do good work and do it well. And when we focus on what is not going well, it's like we are hanging the albatross around our necks.

On the other hand, live albatrosses are symbols of effortlessness. And here again, I think the metaphor is apt.

Also from Wikipedia:

Albatrosses are amongst the largest of flying birds, and the great albatrosses (genus Diomedea) have the largest wingspans of any extant birds…They are highly efficient in the air, using dynamic soaring and slope soaring to cover great distances with little exertion.

Don’t you want “covering great distances with little exertion” to be what your life is all about?

About the Author

Stacey Curnow is a nurse-midwife and a mentor who helps you give birth to your BIG dreams. You can find out more about Stacey here.

Ease Labor Pain with What?

Music has saved my life,over and over again.
Photo taken in 2006, singing to my firstborn.

Studies have, for a long time, shown that deep breathing, mental imagery, deep massage or acupressure, and the presence of a constant companion or coach during labor can ease labor pains, making the miracle of birth more, well, enjoyable.

During the birth of my two sons, and with another one due to arrive in June, I have (and will) use all of these methods for pain management during labor.  However, that is not all I will use.

With both of my previous labors, each vastly different, I used one, well, two other tactics - both of which played a very important role and were equally effective in helping manage pain.

One is yoga, but that is a topic that will take an entire book to address. In fact, I am working on that book now. The other tactic - the remaining secret weapon in my arsenal of labor pain management methods is - music.

Perinatal Nursing supports that music can be an effective means for managing both pain and stress during labor.  Using music during childbirth, in a 2000 study, shows the planned use of music by mothers during labor has a significant effect on their perception of pain.

In the months before my sons were born, I started designing my "Birth Soundtrack."  When the big day came - wafting from my labor room, like a sweet breeze, were the sounds of designer music.   Sounds that both soothed and motivated me to work diligently and gracefully toward delivering my sons into this word.  I called on it all - from Sam Cooke to Patty Griffin to Gabriel Yared - from the genres of soothing soul to inspirational folk to contemplative classical.

What is designer music?  In the industry, it is known as music that is selected to have a specific effect on the listener.  And it is proven more effective than listening to just any music. I teach music and sound as therapy as an educator, so for each of my labors I designed my own music. But guess what? You don't need special training - with a few tips in my guide (an excerpt from my text on Using Music for Therapeutic Benefit)  and those listed below, you can design your own music too.


Designing Your Birth Soundtrack
Here are a few guidelines that I give to expectant mothers and other patients who use music for pain or stress relief:

• Certain instruments are better suited to promote relaxation and a sense of well being. 
• The ancient medical systems of Ayurveda and Chinese Medicine have identified the instruments which are best suited to different emotional states and physical needs. Learn about them here.
• Make a playlist for your iPod or MP3 player or download music onto a USB memory stick that you can plug into your car or stereo.  Name your playlist something that inspires you.  I called my playlist "Baby Breathing." I made one for a friend for post-partum healing and called it "Baby Hopes & Dreams." 
• Make sure you have the appropriate sound/stereo set up.  My husband took care of this "technical" end - however speakers are so compact and portable now that they could fit in an overnight bag, along with your iPod or MP3 player. Of course, if you are home birther, no transport is necessary - just plug in and play!
  
• Create a minimum of 8 hours of continuous music.  If you have a long labor, as my first one was 36 hours - you'll need more than just a few hours of music to get you through.
• Choose relaxing but also motivating music which inspires you and develops your sense of connection and bonding with your unborn child.
• Order your music with the stages of labor, or create separate playlists for each stage.  Meaning, the first stage can be much longer but less intense than second stage labor.  Second stage labor will bring with it - different requirements.  During transition and delivery - you may opt for silence - so you can hear those first sounds from your baby.  Or, you may opt to have quiet, contemplative music playing which motivates you to go the distance. I used music throughout the entire labor.  When it came time to delivery, my husband made sure (we pre-planned this) that a continuous play of meditative, calm solo piano music flowed low and quiet - so I could hear my baby's first cries. I can attest that in my first birth - the music helped to calm and attune everyone - including the medical staff.
• Avoid rock, grunge, and other heavy music which emphasizes drums or electric instruments like guitar or loud synthesized piano. These genres have been proven to elevate vital signs and cause feelings of anger, hostility, and despair.  
• If you prefer silence during labor - music and sound therapy can still help you manage pain.  Nada Yoga, or the yoga of sound, teaches chanting and vocal toning as a way to ease pain and suffering.  Sighing the sound "mmm" with the mouth closed on your exhale, during contractions, has been found to be balancing, harmonizing, and integrating to the nervous system - lowering blood pressure, heart rate, and assisting in pain relief.  In yoga, it is the most subtle and most powerful of toning sounds.
• Consider a post-partum playlist for after delivery and when you return home. I made a separate playlist for after delivery. I played it during the entire stay of my post-partum in the hospital.  (The nurses and my midwife loved it - it relaxed everyone. I think they made special trips to my room just to hang out and chill to the cool music). I called it "Baby Dance" - and after we came home I listened to it for months afterward, (literally did dance with my baby to it) and enjoyed shedding many tears of joy recalling the precious memories that the music helped bring forward in my consciousness - those I spent with my son and husband in those early special moments.  

But more than just laboring women, everyone can benefit from using music prior to, during, or after medical care.  Scientific sources supporting therapeutic benefit of music are numerous - and have been proven in children, open heart surgery patients, cancer patients, pre-operative patients, women waiting on surgical procedures or testing such as mammography, and the list goes on. Get a full list here

Take advantage of the instant healing effects of music.  Learn more about how different instruments create different moods and physical states in your body - and how you can choose music not just to listen to - but to heal you.

The American Woman: Telling Our Story

Ginger in the UK
at the beginning of her own "Eat, Pray, Love" journey in 2004

A few weeks ago, a BITL reader wrote to tell me know how much this blog had helped her get her life back.  After suffering from long standing depression and struggling with her weight and the stresses that attach themselves to it - she found my blog and in it the tools she needed to arm herself for self-healing.

After reading her story, I knew that Cindy (not her real name) was a courageous young woman with a mission - and that she could be a powerful help to other women struggling under the pressures of daily living.  I asked if I could share her story with BITL readers, and she quickly obliged.  "If my story can help another woman and empower her to take charge of her body and her health," Cindy wrote, "please share it."

Cindy shares her story below, and I want to encourage you to keep sending your stories of struggle and success.  Please send us your story - to help build a community of women who help each other thrive.

Hi Ginger....I just spent the entire morning looking at your web page and blog. I love it! I printed out a lot of material that I found useful, helpful, inspiring, motivating, and educating!

I love the Vitamin D article. I have been struggling with some health issues lately from weight gain to depression. After looking at blood test results, the doctors found that I was Vitamin D and B12 deficient. Right now I take a prescription dosage of Vitamin D. I also need to get a B12 injection each week. I have felt the results. I am so much more energetic and able to accomplish much more. I also found that each of these vitamins can help with weight loss and depression...directly and indirectly.

The blog posts that I absolutely love are the Happiness Inventory parts 1-3. I have gained about twenty five pounds in the past year and a half. I printed out all the info. Plus, I am going to order a few books as well as your yoga DVD. I was on medications for depression and migraines. I felt like a walking medicine cabinet. After much debate, I decide to quit my meds (I didn't quit cold turkey, but had to keep lowering the dosage). I am currently through my second week of not taking anti-depressants and my migraine meds. I just take my Vitamin D and get my B12 injection.

I can cry at the drop of a hat...but I keep telling myself to give it time. I am going to try and make life changes that are positive: diet, exercise, extra curricular activities:) We will see how it goes.

I have probably flooded your ears way too much! But a lot of your blog posts seemed to click and I found connections. I had even researched the adrenal gland and stress.....I printed that article too.  

Thank you again for your blog.
Love,
Cindy 


Resources Cindy Uses

• Happiness Inventory
• Vitamin D Deficiency - Do you have one?
• Burned Out? How to tell and what to do

Other Helpful Resources

• How well are you managing your energy? Take the The Energy Audit quiz here 
• Easy Self Massage for Boosting Energy
• Redefining Yoga Practice for the 21st Century Mother
• Your Independence Day: Going from Passive to Active

I encourage you to comment below and keep sending your stories so we can continue to build a community of women who help each other thrive. 

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and Motherhood: Recognizing the Signs

With my son, at the beginning of our own
healing process, in 2008.

This week's post on Breathing In This Life is from Michelle Rosenthal, of www.healmyptsd.com

Being a mom is a wonderful, magical and inspiring identity. But what if the birth experience – or some other trauma – leaves you feeling less than covered in fairy dust? What if your parenting skills are being interfered with by symptoms and behaviors you don’t understand?

Real or perceived traumatic experiences during childbirth or any other part of a mother’s life can lead to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) or Post-Partum Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PP-PTSD). 

Here are a few facts about PTSD before we define symptoms and what to do about them:

·         70% of adults in the U.S. have experienced some type of traumatic event at least once in their lives.

·         Up to 20% of these people go on to develop PTSD.

·         An estimated 5% of Americans have PTSD at any given time.

·         An estimated 1 out of 10 women develops PTSD; women are about twice as likely as men.

·         Among people who are victims of a severe traumatic experience 60 – 80% will develop PTSD.

·         Almost 50% of all outpatient mental health patients have PTSD. Somewhat higher rates of this disorder have been found to occur in African Americans, Hispanics, and Native Americans compared to Caucasians in the United States.

·         PP-PTSD affects 1-6% of women who have difficult births.

The good news is: PTSD is an entirely treatable condition. Because PTSD and PP-PTSD can be frequently misdiagnosed as Bi-Polar Disorder or Post-Partum Depression, it’s helpful to recognize PTSD symptoms, and even have tools to begin diagnosing yourself. The more self-empowered and proactive you are about your experience the more quickly you’ll find help, and relief.

Signs of PTSD

Symptoms of PTSD are divided into three categories:

1 – Re-experiencing: This cluster of symptoms includes intrusive thoughts (you can’t stop thinking back over the traumatic experience), feeling like the event is happening again in real time, nightmares and flashbacks.

2 – Arousal: These symptoms focus on a constant need to ensure safety, including heightened sensory activity, hyper vigilance, insomnia or difficulty falling asleep, outbursts of anger, difficulty concentrating and exaggerated startle response.

3 – Avoidance: This behavior includes avoidance of people, places, things, conversations and experiences that remind you of the traumatic event, plus a feeling of detachment, the inability to have loving feelings, and a diminished interest in participating in important activities.

How do you know if these PTSD symptoms accurately apply to you? Take this PTSD Self-Test to begin forming a picture that you can share with  your physician or mental health professional.

The most important and immediate action is to talk about what you are experiencing. Open up to someone close to you and explain what’s troubling you. The longer PTSD goes untreated the worse it gets; recognizing and treating it as soon as possible are critical to lessening your experience of it.

Treating PTSD

There is no single, universal treatment for PTSD. Modalities range from the traditional talk therapy and cognitive behavior therapy, to the alternative, including somatic experiencing, information processing, hypnosis and Neuro-Linguistic Programming. Trauma leaves an enormous imprint on the subconscious mind. Because of this, most survivors find it helpful to combine traditional PTSD treatment modalities with alternative PTSD treatment techniques in order to find relief.

While there is no set procedure and no standard recovery period, the opportunity to overcome PTSD exists for everyone. The process usually involves trying different therapeutic techniques to find what resonates and feels most comfortable with you. The most effective healing work will be achieved in a modality that feels safe, guided by a practitioner with whom you feel confident and secure.

Michele Rosenthal is a Self-Empowered Healing Coach and the founder of www.healmyptsd.com, a site for PTSD information and support. A trauma survivor who healed after more than 25 years of PTSD, Michele now devotes her career to helping others learn to clarity, verify and strategize their PTSD recovery. Her PTSD memoir, BEFORE THE WORLD INTRUDED, will be published in September 2011. Currently, she is launching the very first live virtual PTSD support groups.

Living Wide Awake in 2011

Introspection
(Our Family Christmas Vacation 2010)

Reflection. You see your own in the mirror day in, day out.

But who do see?  The person you were, the person you are, or the person you want to become?

Self-reflection is recognized as a universal requirement for learning.  Maxine Greene PhD, who entered the field of education in 1938 and established herself early on at Columbia University as the "lone female voice" in a male dominated philosophy of education, has this to say about reflection:

"...you can be submerged in the crowd, and if you're submerged in the crowd and have no opportunity to think for yourself, to look through your own eyes, life is dull and flat and boring," she says. "The only way to really awaken to life, awaken to the possibilities, is to be self-aware."

Greene likens reflection to "wide-awakeness." "Without the ability to think about yourself, to reflect on your life, there's really no awareness, no consciousness. Consciousness doesn't come automatically; it comes through being alive, awake, curious, and often furious."

Living "Wide-Awake"

My self reflection practice has revealed to me, through the years, these two truths. Though simple, they have had a profound effect on ordering my life for greatest growth and success.

1. Write in pencil.  As I order my days and set goals for myself, I now only write in pencil. Whether on my family or google calendar I can swiftly erase or delete whatever no longer serves me or my family's best interests.  Putting away the ink pen has freed me to invite new experiences into my life.  I am more flexible as a parent and professional and realize I can flow with life's changes gracefully. Wielding a pencil instead of a pen has allowed me to let go so I can grow.
   
   Time has a way of showing us all - that we are not in control.  Sooner or later, we have to learn that flexibility, not rigidity, serves us best. My wake up call was my 2 year old son's emergency heart surgery. With his diagnosis and the surgeon's curt announcement, "your son will need cardiothoracic surgery within the month..."  suddenly my packed work schedule and all the responsibilities that I had tied to it - paled and fell away.  I found myself waiting outside the pediatric neo-natal intensive care unit - pacing and praying for my son's life. 
   
   That experience demanded that I write in pencil. Now I don't wait for the proverbial shoe to drop before self-reflecting. I do it every time I plan an event in my calendar.
   
   
2. Omit possessive vocabulary.  I began this practice more than a decade ago, during a humanitarian trip to Alaska to help a community of Native Americans. That trip showed my that nothing I have is mine. It is only gifted to me while I am here on earth. Being Native American myself, I was reminded by this beautiful family of Alaskan Indians that the "my" we use so often - doesn't really exist.
   
   That year I stopped using the word "my."  "My" belongings or "my business" or  "my skills" were no longer mine. They belonged to a greater good that had nothing to do with me but everything to do with how I used what was entrusted to me and what lasting effect is has in this world.  This small practice also helped me more earnestly apply the yogic principle of non-attachment.  Situations in life were no longer mine, and as a result, I was able to look at them through a more objective, level-headed, and less emotionally possessive lens.
   
   As a result, relationships I had with others also improved.  Annoying habits or hurtful behaviors from others were just that - only habits or behaviors - but they did not own the person.  As a result, I was able to detach the bad experience from the person, which left me free to forgive and open myself up to healing and growth in the relationship.

Resources
Here are a few blogs from BITL and other bloggers which can help you on the path toward growth and wisdom in 2011.

Self-Reflection: How To Do It Right
Freedom To Live Your Life: But Are You?
Midwife For Your Life
Is Your Life in Perspective?
The Person Next To You Is
Self Reflection for Entrepreneurs
Self Reflect Instead of Self Neglect

Happiness Inventory, part 1

Are you happy? The Pursuit of Happiness in today's hyperactive, super-stimulated, and over-medicated society seems to be subtitled with the phrase "Immediate Gratification" or "If it feels good do it."


However, if we take a look around Wall Street or Main Street we can see where that mantra (motto) has gotten us. Under a looming dark cloud of a possible double dip recession (we're not out of the storm, yet), Americans have been pulling back - living on cash rather than credit, and downsizing not super-sizing.


Blogs like Zen Habits top Time's Best Blogs of the year list (a great blog, by the way) - and we are shooting off down the rabbit path toward minimalism and simplicity? But are we really? And where is it getting us?


Regardless of whether you like the edgy lines of modern minimalism or the classical comfort of cottage living - the bottom line is - we all actively pursue happiness in our lives. So do I.


The Happiness Inventory, or I prefer to call it "Contentment Quotient," is something I started about 10 years ago. I used to fill it out every New Year but now I revisit it all year long. It keeps my priorities in check, gives me clarity in decision making, and helps me find (and keep) contentment.


If an opportunity crops up in my life - and it does not mesh with my Happiness Inventory - I say no to it. This is not easy to do. Sometimes I have to turn down a perfectly good opportunity (job, project, etc.) because I know it is not a part of my ultimate Happiness Plan.

The Happiness Inventory includes a 10 Question Inventory and information on how to narrow your focus for a more effective, contented, satisfied life.

Download the Happiness Inventory Here

May You Live All the Days Of Your Life. ~Jonathan Swift

In part 2 of the Happiness Inventory, I'll be addressing women and effective weight management - and how it ties into your Happiness Plan.

A Fear Vaccine

I just finished reading my requisite Oprah article for the day. No joke.

My "To Do" list for the next few weeks (actually months) has arrived and weighs about as much as an anvil (you know the kind in the Road Runner cartoons). My attempts to keep the proverbial anvil of stress off my head and shoulder area include yoga, time in meditation (yes, that's also yoga), and spending time with family - and oh yes, reading an Oprah article (or 6, like this morning) a day.

I actually read, on average, about one "Oprah article" a day. You know the kind - they are eternally uplifting, positive thinking, and empowering to women. They are effective because they are written by other women - they have had to negotiate the road blocks, pot holes, and sometimes land mines along life's road - and have survived to tell their story. Oprah articles usually spotlight the essence of women helping women - something we need more of in our society today.

Today's article was a shot in the arm for me (a positive one, if there is such a thing).
Try this one on for size - and see if this short and sweet article vaccinates you against fear like it has for me:

Donna Braziles, author and political commentator, "4 Things To Make Peace With."

*I took this photo while I was in Philadelphia presenting at the 61st Annual NATA Convention. The Liberty Bell is a symbol of liberation from oppression and fear for many people, not just Americans.

Part Two: How To Stay On A Permanent Vacation

In my last blog, I was on my way to Philadelphia to speak at a national conference. But what was perhaps most important about the conference was the promise I made to my Self and to all of you: to work hard to remain in a vacation state of mind, long after the actual vacation ends.

In other words, how can I maintain a state of blissful, calm, reflective, meditation - despite no longer being in a meditation cave, beautiful cathedral, temple, or place in nature conducive to clarity of vision and thought?

For those of you who might not have read "How To Stay On A Permanent Vacation," you might want to read it first. Here it is.

So did I keep my promise? Yes, I did. Practicing this mantra - "I will remain in a vacation state of mind," has helped me remain in that grateful state.

How does it work? Well here is an overview of my Philly attempt:

• My first flight of the day, at 7:20 AM, was uneventful - it took off on time and arrived early (actually!). The flight attendant was happy to be there, which definitely bolstered my "attitude of gratitude." I told him so when I deplaned (thanks for being so positive and upbeat!) to which he responded, "thank you, you don't know how much that means." Wow, I thought to myself. This "vacation state of mind" is working wonders.

• Then came the connecting flight. Delayed. Two and a half hours. Ugh. What to do? I did not want to risk missing my own presentation (vacation). But, instead of getting stressed, I relaxed. I happily informed my mind, body, and soul that it did not matter that my flight was delayed. I had plenty of time. In fact, that's all I had was time. There was no reason to rush. So, I didn't rush OR stress. I appreciated the extra time to relax, which I also used to prepare final comments for my presentation for the Philadelphia conference.

• I did (finally) get to Philadelphia. I was able to take it all in stride - from the not so stellar hotel room in the less desirable (safe) location to the last minute changes to my presentation to the video production company that was making a live DVD out of my presentation to the anticipation of a job well done. Not to mention the heartache and difficulty that naturally arises when you leave your young family (two toddlers) behind so often to "work." Ahh - that struggle of balancing personal and professional life. That last one is enough difficult to tear down anyone's state of equanimity.

• However, I persisted. I was, after all, doing this for the good of my family and my profession. In fact, the morning of my presentation, at 5:45 AM, the speaker ready room attendant remarked at how bright eyed and positive I was (for that time of day). I guessed my "vacation state of mind" was rubbing off on all those around me.

• Mission accomplished, I told myself. The presentation was well received and attendance was full, standing room only. My journey home was safe and uneventful, and most of all, my contentment did not diminish while I was gone, despite several stellar opportunities for it to be derailed. I had successfully kept my vacation state of mind.

What is the take home message?

You. Can. Do. It. Too.

How To Stay on A Permanent Vacation:

1. Don't confuse the impermanent for permanent.
   Problem: Your plane is delayed. Again.
   Vacation State of Mind Answer: I remind myself in this situation that whether or not my plane leaves on time for a business or vacation destination ultimately has no eternal value.
   All ancient religious and spiritual texts of this world agree on this point. Suffering comes from mistaking the temporal for the eternal. During your next stressful situation, ask yourself if the outcome will matter in a year, 5 years, 10 years, and ultimately, eternally. If not - there is no reason to stress over it. Let it go.
   
   
2. Focus on the permanent.
   Problem:
   My 3 year old found me in my office early one morning last year. I was (as usual) feverishly working trying to empty my inbox in the wee hours of the morning (or night?) before he and his brother awoke. He knew where to find me that morning though, like all others. He put his tiny arms on my desk and leaned into me and said, "mommy you wuk (work) too much."
   
   Oh, was I ever convicted. If my son recognizes the signs of "workaholism" at a mere 3 years old, something must change. If he feels neglected or rejected because I am absent too often for work - then I have affected his soul. And a soul has eternal, permanent value. I needed a reordering of priorities, and quick. It is way too easy for all of us, living in this break neck paced world, to get sidetracked and focus on the things which have no permanent value.
   Vacation State of Mind Answer: Stop it. Stop working so much.
   Make an active decision to be different than everyone else. Americans suffer from more chronic disease than any other industrialized nation. Add to that insult we have the longest work week, the least amount of paid vacation and a maternity leave policy that rivals third world countries. Think there's a connection?
   We can change. We can heal our country, our families, and our Self if we choose to work smarter, not longer or harder.
   Start by only taking on projects with eternal value or meaning. I am now in the (hard-core and difficult) process of making that seismic shift in work ethic. Yes, it may mean (but not always!) reduced income and learning how to say "No" to people and opportunities.
   I am a health care "healer" by profession. A physical therapist, a professional yoga therapist and educator, and a performance artist (music heals perhaps better than PT or yoga!). But as a healer, I have recognized that I am not doing the most permanent good on earth if I am healing others at the expense of my family's (and my own) health. Be the change you want to see, and do it today, in the words of Gandhi.
   
   
3. Act (and react) Positively.
   Problem: Drivers with road rage who won't let you merge, rude clerks (or airline attendants!) who offer poor customer service, children (or adults!) who bully others, coworkers with self-centered ambition, friends or family who have lost their sense of priority in life or have self destructive behaviors...the list goes on. Of course you must realize that these people are not just OTHER people, they are also YOU.
   Vacation State of Mind Solution: Choose the proverbial "high road" in stressful situations. It is not just how we act, but also what we say that matters. Both your words and deeds will echo through eternity, to borrow from the words of Russell Crowe in the film Gladiator.
   Choose to act and react positively. If you know you have "volcanic tendencies" when pushed into a corner - take a more proactive approach. When stress is "in your face," take 5 (or at least 1!) long, deep breaths before you act.
   Think back in your life to hurtful words from others which have settled into your soul like a damaging, deep scar. You don't want to perpetuate those words.
   Act wisely by being slow to act and speak. Breathing is key. Poor breathing habits amp up your nervous system, causing the "fight, flight, or freeze" process to take over. Here's a free breathe practice - to get you started on your permanent vacation.
   

*First photo: My presentation at the 61st Annual National Athletic Trainers' Association Convention. See more here.
*Second photo: Visiting the Liberty Bell, cognizant of its importance, what it represents, and how it can all help us on our path to peace and self-liberation.

Developing Emotional Balance with Therapeutic Yoga

Developing Emotional Balance with Yoga
guest blog by Amber Keating LCSW, PYT-C


Through my studies in Ginger’s Professional Yoga Therapy program, I have witnessed how the use of breath & movement can be deeply healing to women. In our fast-paced world, yoga benefits us by helping us to slow down and take time for ourselves. We give so much to those around us and often forget to refill our own energy stores. Here are three ways yoga can improve your emotional balance:

1. Breathing through life’s challenges

Breath is essential for life; so essential that the body just does it for us most of the time. Even more than a necessity, our breath can help us to self-soothe and remain steady in whatever emotional storms life might have for us. Yoga teaches us how to focus on our breathing to make it deeper, longer, slower. You may have noticed that when you are stressed, your breath becomes shallow and fast, and your heart rate speeds up. Using yogic breathing techniques, you regain control of your body’s stress response and calm your nervous system. While the stressful event may still be present, by using yogic breathing, you are better equipped to respond calmly.

2. Improving self-confidence

Yoga is powerful tool to bring greater confidence into your daily life and reconnect you with your inner strength. Many people think yoga simply teaches flexibility. What they do not realize is yoga’s strength-building qualities. From establishing good posture, strengthening core muscles, building outstanding breath techniques, developing greater balance, increasing strength and stamina, and overcoming fear in a challenging pose, yoga reminds us that we are far stronger than we realize. Every time you go to the mat with the weight of the world on your shoulders and practice your Warriors and Trees and Cobras, you are sloughing off what is no longer needed and reestablishing your knowledge of how amazing you really are.

3. Regulating emotions

Much of my work as a mental health clinician and yoga therapist involves assisting people with emotion regulation. Our emotions can be a source of information about ourselves, others, & the situations we encounter, but they can be a hindrance when they overtake our best judgment. Yoga increases your ability to manage your emotions by allowing you to notice how you feel. We often function on auto-pilot and don’t realize we’re flooded with feelings. When you focus on your breath and movement, you become more aware of your emotions, where they are stored in your body (worry manifesting as tight belly muscles, for example), and how they are affecting your thoughts & behaviors. From this place of greater awareness, you can make choices about which emotions to foster and which ones to release. In addition, the practice of yoga creates space between your urges and your behaviors, turning reaction into conscious action.

Yoga is a perfect complement to any woman’s life. It can be practiced anywhere (think Mountain Pose in line at the grocery store) and for any amount of time. Whatever challenges you face, I wish you slow exhales and conscious decisions informed by thoughtful contemplation of your mind & emotions.

Be well,
Amber


*photo is of Amber Keating, hugging the General Sherman Tree in Sequoia National Park, April 2010

The Most Important Job of Your Life

As a parent - mother or father - our greatest legacy is our children. Any influence we have past our own life - will likely persist through our children.

Greater than any job we might ever have, and I bet if you asked President Obama he'd answer the same, being a parent (can) be the most important job of your life. Ensuring our children thrive then, is crucial to the health and future of our country.

My husband recently was sitting in the local Toyota dealership where we get our Prius serviced, and he heard the lyrics to this song. He later emailed me the lyrics, and I keep them in my "Perspectives Folder" in my Outlook Inbox. Whenever I need a booster shot to remind me what is most important in life, I visit my "Perspectives Folder."

Here are the lyrics, set to a tune probably familiar to most everyone (at least in my generation and older):

Cats In The Cradle by Harry Chapin

A child arrived just the other day,

He came to the world in the usual way.

But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay. He learned to walk while I was away.

And he was talking 'fore I knew it, and as he grew, He'd say, "I'm gonna be like you, dad.

You know I'm gonna be like you."

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, Little boy blue and the man in the moon.

"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when, But we'll get together then.

You know we'll have a good time then."

My son turned ten just the other day.

He said, "Thanks for the ball, dad, come on let's play.

Can you teach me to throw?" I said, "Not today, I got a lot to do." He said, "That's ok."

And he walked away, but his smile never dimmed, Said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah.

You know I'm gonna be like him."

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, Little boy blue and the man in the moon.

"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when, But we'll get together then.

You know we'll have a good time then."

Well, he came from college just the other day, So much like a man I just had to say, "Son, I'm proud of you. Can you sit for a while?"

He shook his head, and he said with a smile, "What I'd really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys.

See you later. Can I have them please?"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, Little boy blue and the man in the moon.

"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when, But we'll get together then, dad.

You know we'll have a good time then."

I've long since retired and my son's moved away.

I called him up just the other day.

I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind."

He said, "I'd love to, dad, if I could find the time.

You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kid's got the flu, But it's sure nice talking to you, dad.

It's been sure nice talking to you."

And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me, He'd grown up just like me.

My boy was just like me.

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, Little boy blue and the man in the moon.

"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when, But we'll get together then, dad.

You know we'll have a good time then."

*Photo of my second son at 5 months, having a great time during this photo shoot.

Stop Stress In Its Tracks

Sometimes it creeps up on you, sometimes it crashes into you, sometimes it consumes you, but frequently it seems, stress seems to be just around the next corner. My day is going smoothly, and then something ALWAYS happens to interrupt my "zen" flow.

Reality! You wake up late or you wake up too early. You forget your cell phone or you accidentally wash (and dry!) your cell phone (me with pregnant brain during my second pregnancy). You grocery shop and then leave the groceries at the store (my cousin and dear friend, right after the birth of her second child). You make up your child's bed neatly and, in the meantime, he or she is hard at work sabotaging your latest manuscript (kids love laptops, especially mine!). You go to work to provide family financial stability, but in the end you have no time to spend with the family you are working so hard for.

Mothers, the original gurus of multi-tasking, can have a pretty long "stress" list. In fact, the more we multi-task, the more stressed and less efficient we become. (can I get an amen there?)

So this week, I will share "real time" stress relief secrets. This means I will offer up stress relief tips that work in real life - like the ones I use while I try to get my kids to nap so I can finish this blog or the ones I use when the kids spew their oatmeal at each other as I (try to) concentrate on answering work email - you know - that kind of "real time".

Even now, as I work, I am listening to my oldest sing his own nonstop rendition (by request) of happy birthday to his brother (it's not his birthday) while they "nap." So here it goes....

7 Ways to Stop Mommy/Wife Stress In Its Tracks:

1. Stressful Scenario: The kids are not listening to you (boy if I had a nickel for every time this happened).
   
2. Solution: Whisper, don't shout. I use to shout, but after a year of chronically losing my voice I learned something neat. When I spoke in a tone closer to a whisper than a shout, my kids listened more. Also, stick around until you get the results you are looking for. In yoga speak, this means helping a student align their pose, then not moving on to the next student until they have achieved the safe alignment you want. The same is true with children. To get them to nap, I hung around outside their bedroom door. (I recently moved them into a shared room, so bed time has gotten very interesting.) Each time I would hear little feet on the floor, I would open the door and calmly remind them to stay in their beds. I also tossed in a carrot - I told them "we will have more time for fun after their nap if they go to sleep now." The results were profound.
3. Benefit: You don't have to get anymore headaches from listening to your head roar. You can prevent wrinkles from not having to twist up your face in exasperation all the time. Your posture will improve because you can take the time to bend down on one knee and explain to them why they are in trouble, instead of hunching over or throwing your head back to get your voice to travel the furthest distance at the loudest volume possible. Lastly, your shouts become more effective when they are truly needed (like a dangerous situation of running into traffic, etc.), They will be less likely to think you are "crying wolf" and will be much more receptive to you. I get lots more "I wuv you's (I love you's) from my kids for shouting less and speaking gently more.

1. Scenario: Your husband is not listening to you. (hmm, another nickel anyone?)
2. Solution: One of my biggest pet peeves is repeating myself. And, there is nothing worse than repeating yourself when no one is listening. So when this scenario arises, I remind myself that no one is a perfect listener. In addition, not many people digest information after they've only heard it once. (can anyone pass that physics or biology test after only reading the information once?) Remind yourself that everyone is fragile and you are not the center of the universe. Your husband is likely as stressed as you are. Ask him what he may need to get off his chest as well. The fact is, how well can you pay attention to details if you are already overwhelmed with information (aka hyper stimulated)? If these reminders do not work, send your partner an email or write a short letter. Consider it a "love letter". A means for really slowing down to say what you mean. When is the last time you wrote one a love letter to your partner? Do it today. Lastly, try to avoid working out problems during chaotic times. I am not a procrastinator. In fact, I am the anti-thesis of a procrastinator. But for working on marital bliss with your partner, sometimes procrastination is a good thing. Instead of trying to work through a disagreement while the kids are also melting down, postpone it. The immediacy of what you disagreed over will subside. Let yourself mellow for a while (not steep!), and see if you can speak about it when the situation has calmed itself.
   
3. Benefit: Improved communication, hands down. By far, the biggest troublemaker in a relationship is lack of or ineffective communication. Usually, it is because of anger or expectations. (i.e. You get angry because expectations were not met. For example, "I thought you were going to pick up the groceries. or I thought Friday was our date night? or I cannot believe you said that to me.") Explain what you mean, without animosity or hidden agenda. If you cannot do it out loud, do it in writing. Many times, you can explain things better if you write them out first, and you are less likely to let anger dictate your speech.

Stay tuned...5 More Stress Busters to come this week!

*photo taken in June of this year during a trip to Grandfather mountain. ...a typical day in the life of any mother....

Part Five: Get It! Instant Energy and Mood Lift

Click here to download Part 5 in the 5 part series on how to improve energy and lift your mood in less than 3 minutes a day!

Don't forget to download the rest of the week's routine!

Part Four: Get It! Instant Energy & Mood Lift

Click here to download Part 4 in a 5 part series on how to improve energy and lift your mood in less than 3 minutes a day!

Don't forget to download the rest of the week's routine!

Part Three: Get It! Instant Energy & Mood Lift

Click here to download Part 3 in a 5 part series
on how to improve energy and lift your mood
in less than 3 minutes a day!



Don't forgot to download part 1 & 2 from this week

Part Two: Get It! Instant Energy & Improved Mood, Part 2 of 5

Here it is ladies! Part 2 in a 5 part series on how to improve your mood and increase your energy in less than 3 minutes a day.


Don't forget to download yesterday's program as well. A quick and easy one page "how to"!

click here to download your free copy

Get It! Instant Energy & Improved Mood, Part 1 of 5

Mothers and women - if you polled us a group, how many of you would raise your hand and say you have been overly tired or in a poor state of mind in the past week? in the past month? in the past year?

Perhaps the whole lot of us would raise our hands in the affirmative. It is no secret that women suffer from fatigue and depressive* disorders more frequently than men.
In fact, many of the diagnoses connected to these symptoms were not even "believed" to exist until very recent history.

But as women, we know our bodies. As a health care practitioner, I have long supported many women with chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, & longstanding depressive symptoms in my clinical practice. Even as late as the 1970's, grief was not even supported as an actual state of being. So it is no surprise that women have been unable to figure out what was "wrong" with them through the years. Unable to fit into a neat medical chart, their symptoms piled up- exacerbated by their mounting responsibilities as women, mothers, and human beings.

Through the years though, medicine has come to recognize that there is a psycho-emotional body, an energetic body - and it greatly affects the physical body. Women in my practice continue to improve in health when they receive compassionate physical therapy blended with a multi-cultural approach to healing. This approach I call "elemental renewal", the ability to see the person, not just the diagnosis. The ability to see all facets of the person and create a therapy program just for them.

The most common life experiences which can contribute to the "super fatigue" and mood shifts are, you guessed it, pregnancy, post-partum, life changes, job related stress, and the constant state of stress that is associated with child rearing and otherwise existing on this planet as a woman and/or mother.

In my practice, my first line of defense in helping women is teaching them how to breathe. So this week, I am going to dedicate the entire week to teaching you how to breathe - one day at a time, one breath at a time.

Each day this week, you will learn a different breath type so that you can have your own personal energy and mood lifting practice. In fact, sometimes I only need 2-3 minutes of concentrated breathing to turn my day around!

Read on to learn how you are only 2-3 minutes away from an instant energy and mood lift...

*If you are concerned about depression, please click here to learn more.

Conquer Your Fears

Eleanor Roosevelt said, "everyday do one thing that you fear."

Well said sister. So, I am taking to the roof to conquer my fears.

In an act of solidarity with other women who follow Eleanor's advice, on most days at least, I decided that my fear of heights (despite my high school days as a cheerleader teetering at the top of pyramids & being tossed into the air like an apple), had to come down.

So in order to diminish my literal fear of swinging in trees, and to lower my anxiety which would proverbially keep me "out of the tree tops", I decided I would paint (just a section, mind you) of my home's third story.

When the contractor finished construction on the house, he kindly left the scaffolding up so we could save a dollar and paint the house ourselves. My husband and I literally took to the skies, where the smallest breeze had me grasping for anything to hold on to and feeling as if I could be lifted off the scaffolding.

However scared I was, I stayed and painted. And, I survived and came down to tell the story.

After several trips up and down the ladder, and scooting, sliding, and somewhat walking on the scaffolding in order to finish painting, I learned something.

My fear DID INCREASE when I climbed up the ladder. But repeating this action did DECREASE my overall fear. In the end analysis, after two days of "roof swinging", I learned Mrs. Roosevelt was indeed right. Doing something you fear everyday does decrease your overall chances of being fearful in the future.

Ah - the sweet smell of courage. If we can all stand atop that roof confidently (& breathing!), then we can all better handle Future Fear.

So, the next time Fear rears its ugly head, I'll be better equipped. Will you?

*Photos: Evidence of Overcoming my Fear of heights(and heights + wind gusts), at least for a weekend.

Giving Tree Found

The wisdom gleaned from motherhood, and parenthood, truly permeates the soul and holds eternal value.

Now as Friday's go, people are usually relieved to reach a week's end. Last Friday was no different, as the week had been particularly stressful as week's go.

So last Friday my 3.5 year old son was sharing a moment with me while I was doing a quick "hat" change (going from work day to evening play). I was mentally reviewing the week's stress and previewing the upcoming week's tasks when, in an attempt to gain my attention, he pointed to a painting of a tree, one I've had for ages that hangs in our bathroom.

He said, "look mom, it's the giffing twee! (no typo - this is what he said, but what he actually meant was "look mom, it's the Giving Tree")." I had checked out "The Giving Tree" at our local library a week earlier, and it has since become my son's favorite book. Clearly, he has been affected by Shel's book.

More wisdom from the mouth of babes. I knew that I was failing to see priorities clearly in that moment, and was too caught up in the remains of the day (and those of future days) to consider what (who) was in front of me, and what was passing me by as a result of my own self-centered interests.

I was convicted in my tracks. I stopped all my thoughts, everything I was doing, knelt down beside him and put my arm around him so we could look up at the big tree painting together.

"Yes," I said, "that IS the giving tree. How amazing! Thank you Michael for reminding me. I never want to forget this moment. Ever." He glowed with contentment.

I knew who my giving tree was that day.

Who is your giving tree today?


*The Giving Tree, written by Shel Silverstein in 1964, is a book about a tree who loves a little boy, so much that she does a very surprising thing for the little boy.